Tuesday, May 30, 2006

The Golden Ratio

Yesterday I was browsing through photography articles and came across the Golden Ratio. Apparently it is "the basis for everything perfectly proportional, and thus aesthetically pleasant, in buildings, art, and living things, including humans". I was intrigued so I read on. The author went on to say that the ratio = 1.618 and 0.618 also called phi. This ratio occurs all around us, in flower arrangements, rabbit and bee populations, leaves round branches, everyday fruits and even in the human anatomy.

SO I read on and he suggested this experiment

"Take a measurement from you feet to your torso, then from your torso to the top of your head. The second measurement on an attractive body will be a ratio of 1.618 to the first measurement. Measure the width of your mouth at rest then measure the width of your nose, the ratio on an attractive face will be...1.618 or 0.618"

Seeing as I was at work, the first part of the experiment would have seemed slightly strange to my colleagues. They might have thought it was part of some sort of ritual seeing as I ‘hail’ from Edo State. I opted for the second and sashayed to the facilities room to sign for a ruler. First I measured the width of my mouth...5.2cm, then the width of my nose..3.2 which givesssssss, drumrolllll...0.615 now give room for error and I think it might just be 0.618 lol! This means I have an attractive face? or rather nearly attractive?

What ever happened to 'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder'? There is now a universal mathematical equation for beauty! Apparently the Mona Lisa was painted using this ratio which is why she is aesthetically pleasing...I'm not too sure I agree with that. I don't see what the hooooooo haaaaa is about that painting.

Anyway reading Onada's blog I also picked up another problem with being 20 something. We are never happy with our bodies 100%. Like she said the wrinkles come, the boobies slowly start obeying gravity etc etc. Some people have had issues way before then, not enough booty, too much booty, pimples, absence of the coke bottle shape, too short, too tall. Too dark, too light.... It never ends. We end up focusing on these 'issues' so much that we forget to be happy that we just ARE. Why worry about something you can't change? Like my mum said to my sister one blessed morning.."You just have to make the best of your features". And mind you, she's gorgeous, don't know what the woman was on about lol.


Thursday, May 25, 2006

What about me

This has been done by Low. 50 things you may not know about me.

1. My name is not far off from a famous rappers’.
2. I love music and I love to sing! Up to the point where I disgraced myself at Reading University when I volunteered to perform Mariah Careys’ Hero then went into shock on stage and forgot all the lines. Kappa will never let me forget.
3. I’m the first of four. I have a brother, 1 crazy sister and 1 teenage sister I oppress quite a lot
4. I don’t particularly love chocolates, deserts etc. I do have cravings once in a while.
5. That being said, I love Malteasers..its the only exception
6. I moved home 2yrs ago. It hasn’t been smooth sailing but it has been well worth it.
7. I have way too many girlfriends whom I love to bits
8. I take great lengths to make people happy
9. I’m a sucker for my friends
10. I’ve been to 4 continents and counting
11. I’ve developed a love for photography
12. I’ve never fainted and trust me I have tried various times to
13. I thrive on peace, a balanced karma. I don’t like confrontations but its funny how Nigeria changes all that.
14. I have shoes and clothes that I have never worn because I tend to wear the same old things that are in my range of sight.
15. I had my first kiss at the age of 19! lol 19! Maybe I’ll tell you about it 
16. I get comfortable in one situation and really have to psyche myself to make any drastic changes, which is why I still work where I work. It’s not bad at all but it could be better.
17. I try my best to be a good Christian
18. I can drive a manual car (This by the way is an achievement! It took a while)
19. I lived in Benin till I was five
20. I went to an all girls secondary school
21. My feet are ticklish but not my waist…that actually hurts not tickles
22. I get shivers if anything is brushed against my neck or ears (this is completely innocent people!)
23. I’ve never had a brain freeze
24. I am a self confessed cry baby. I just can’t help it sometimes. Ask the last lasma guy that tried to ‘arrest’ me.
25. I went up to Ludacris’ car window and took a picture of him, and I’m not even a fan like that.
26. I like milk but I’m lactose intolerant
27. I hate serial callers. Those who call like 5-10 times in a row even if you don’t answer the phone, deliberately or not
28. I hate the heat
29. I hate the cold
30. I drink..not in excess
31. I have never been out of my mind drunk
32. I don’t smoke
33. I don’t like smokers
34. I love to read
35. I was a huge romance novel junkie
36. I’m currently listening to Michael Buble
37. I plan to eventually put my business plan into action
38. I love bread anytime anyday
39. I love to travel
40. I wanted to skip primary five because the teacher was infamously strict
41. I love to navigate when others play video games that need navigation
42. I have a very good sense of direction
43. I’m picky
44. I have a problem with badly spoken English
45. I have a problem with the treatment of females in this country
46. I played the part of Jane in Mary Poppins. I was initially Mary then one day I forgot my lines.
47. I can only play about 5 songs on the Piano
48. I hate being forced to do anything. I can be very stubborn in such cases
49. I can be overly sensitive
50. I’m crazy!

Monday, May 22, 2006

Spring Cleaning

I have a closet full of things I have had since I can remember!... Enid Blyton books, pictures, toys, faded jewellery…. I even throw some into the bin only come back to retrieve them after a long mental battle weighing the pro's and cons and how a pair of leggings could be used for a beneficial purpose in the coming years. I just find it hard to throw away things especially if they have been with me through thick and thin. We have that special bond that can't be broken. Even if the shoes have worn out soles? So what? That can be fixed. If the leather is tearing, there must be a remedy and if it’s always been too big, insoles can be purchased.

That's the same way I feel about some of my friendships and ties. No matter how sour things have turned, I don’t throw it away because eventually, I believe, things can always be sorted out one way or the other. So I hang on to this friend through hailstorms, fogs, tornado’s...u catch my drift. Call to check up on them even though I get the brush off, keep in touch etc. etc.

So when I go through my yearly spring cleaning, I just don't let go of all the old shoes, I just dust them off and place them back into the shelf.

One day those shoes will come back in fashion and will need to be worn and coincidentally, I'll need shoes that match my outfit and we'd just be perfect for each other!

But if the shoes never come back in fashion or do and I'm just not into those kinds of shoes like Jellies (ew) or clogs, then I'll always have good memories of how we rocked together looking fabulous.

Call me a pessimist!

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Birthday Fever

This month is seriously a party month oh! Happy Birthday Funmi!

My dinner/salsa club night was fun. We started off at the scarlet lounge where we filled our bellies...we couldn't even get the cake down at the end of the night!...then we moved on to dance the carbs of at LaCasa. What was meant to be half a girly night turned out to be a full on chick outing cos none if the invited guys showed up bar 2 who subtly escaped! It was hilarious in a way I guess, the story of my life. We even bumped into Nollywood celebrities. Ramsey Noah and Ini Edo were there doing their thing on the dance floor. And so were Akin and Pawpaw, there are so tiny up close. My friend said she heard someone joke saying ‘Nah wa oh, so them dey let children go club nowadays’. Thanks to those who made the occasion fun regardless. I had a BLAST.

SO the third term bid was thrown out like a bunch of smelly rotten bad eggs! Hurraaaaah

I've started photblogging. Checkout thephotoblog. Please leave comments if you like the pics or even if you want to critisise them. Feel free to.

Welcome new blogger, all hail Don Chichi. You are guaranteed a good read. Especially the first one on dating.

Also Low giving you some mental flossssing.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006


I'm feeling high right now. I know people that get high on sugar but I never thought I'd experience it. My eyes feel like they are swimming in my head. Maybe its because I've been starring at the screen too long today....but really I think its sugar. All a friend of mine has to do is drink fanta to experience what the rest of us have to pay hard earned cash for alcohol to make us catch the came wave as she is on...if you understood that sentence then you are high, cos I’m sure I won't understand it tomorrow.

So as I was saying, this reminds me of the one and only time I've been really high (not on sugar i mean). I was in second year and went to visit my friends who all stayed together in an apartment on the other side of town. I was on the phone when I arrived so I didn't really take note of what was going on around me. I vaguely took in the fact that Mr. A was cooking, well actually baking which was usual. The kitchen is right across the hallway, the living room and one of the rooms both on your left as you enter and there are stairs leading upstairs. I said hi to everyone, walked into the room, flopped on the bed and continued my conversation.

Not long after, Mr G. walked into the room with a delicious looking piece of chocolate cake on a saucer. I immediately jumped up and took the piece and gobbled it up. He had a look of mischief in his eyes as I asked for another piece and immediately scrambled to get me another. Now if you knew these guys, you would know that they would NEVER willingly give up their food so it got me thinking..but I was on the phone and was therefore distracted.

He came back in with the second piece and I ate more slowly this time savoring the taste. THEN I noticed something odd! The cake felt grainy. Bits of 'stuff' didn't dissolve well with the cake, but it wasn't a big piece so I finished it off. When I got off the phone, I started feeling slightly whooozeeeee so I stumbled into the living room and started the interrogation. I tried to sound serious but it came out more like uuuuuuu guysssssssss (the way Dude where's my car people talk), what did you put in the cake??

Silence all around...and a little giggle here and there.

I'm seriouss nooowwww, what did you put in it? I turned to Mr G. girlfriend who was aiding and a betting against a fellow female. Shamee. By this time I was more than wozeeeee. You guysssss, guess what? It’s like I'm flying!! Wow Mr A, I have a question for you..oh, I've lost my train of thought. Okay I need to call my dad...and so it went until I was driven home to sleep it off.

I guess it’s a good lesson to learn amongst friends, it could have been more disastrous in other circumstances.

Friday, May 12, 2006

Good News Friday

Dilichi believes there's some good news out there and there is!

My friend, now Mrs. A, gave birth to a bouncing baby girl. Little baby, welcome to the world! We have another Taurean in the hizzousee.

This weekend my friends and I are going rocking at LaCasa in honour of my birthday. We are going to move our hips and tap our feet to the Latin vibes mixed intermittently with hip-hop and reggae. Let’s go let’s go!

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Well R E A L L Y

Opari O (I don't know what that means but it seems appropriate).

I have received all sorts of propositions on Hi5 from various people...Cheif, Clem, Boniface, Cletus, Namwizzy, X etc. One guy says he can teach me to swim in just 10 lessons, also get some messages with offensive grammatical errors e.g

tks for hi5 friends
welcome is my pleasure to be friends
if interesting keep on here xxx@yahoo.com nice day & wndrfull wknd with fun

xxx(to protect this sheller's identity)

This guy though gets 1st prize,

Saw your profile and could not resist sending you a message.

I am a 33 year old management consultant. I work for an International Organization in Abuja. I enjoy traveling, sports, hanging out and reading.

I also have to let u know that I am married, so I am looking for a discreet intimate and passionate relationship, while respecting and taking very good care of the lady.

Do hope to hear from u soonest. Take care.

Of course I had to click on his profile. He has put a picture with a cheesy smile up and all 21 of his friends are female. He has 2 testimonials, on saying "You need to be close to him or talk to him to know his essence". The other says "Well we haven't met, but I know he is going to be a gentle guy so ever". Yes, that sentence is baffling to me too.

Girls this is your chance! If you need his contact details, just let me know. This Dude wants to take care of you oh. Holla!

But really though why do married men cheat. Some people say Yoruba guys are extra guilty of this act. The amount of married men in clubs is appalling. I don't know how I'd react if my husband went out clubbing ALL the time coming home at 5 in the morning. I think I would not be able to deal with that kind of lifestyle. Of course being married doesn't mean prison for life but there must be some sort of balance.

What really do guys and girls go clubbing for? To meet people, to have fun and so on. So the guys are going out for the night, fine, you do you, once in a while you have to let loose. BUT all the time??? How about WE go together!

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Birthday Notes

SO it was my birthday yesterday. Thanks Thanks, hold the presents please. I'm officially a year older. I didn't do much other than receive phone calls, emails, cards and the likes. I also mentally created a list of those:

  • who called
  • who didn't call
  • who forgot (My father is a classic example, he doesn't suprise me anymore!)
  • who should have called but sent a text or emailed
  • those who called out of the blue
  • those who called all day!

I guess I’m only human cos after all its only a birthday but you can't help but be aware of it. Some petty peeps will keep this list all year round and only call those who called them. I on the other hand will forget this list very soon.

A few friends met up with me a Debonairs, a new pizza place in VI. There were several little kids of the Asian persuasion running around and popping balloons provided for the birthday party in the kids corner. It was an impromptu get together and that made it much more FUNNER. Thanks to Boom, the last minute small party organiser.

Moving on, so I'm going to do a quick summary of stuff happening

David Blaine has completed his week in the human fishbowl. He failed to beat the world record of 7 minutes and 10 secs for holding his breath because he passed out two minutes short. Is this guy an attention seeker or what? Who freaking cares?

Watch who you talk to on the internet. A man in Germany, Armin Meiws, has been sentenced to life for eating his internet acquaintance. His victim wanted to be eaten alive and Armin, 44, did the polite thing and respected his friends wishes.

All the housemates, bar Frank, are up for eviction. Helen left the house last week. There is a conspiracy going on. A group that identify themselves by the acronym J F C (Josephs' fan club) are using their strength in numbers to vote out all the opposition! Only in Nigeria. Also Sandy confessed her feelings to Joe in the most awkward manner, fidgeting, mincing words, pausing, joking, scratching her throat...I mean, it can't be that hard to tell a guy you like him, can it? I'm not one for emotional outbursts anyway (except in anger).

Recently, several withdrawals have been made from the excess crude account. It’s alleged that the funds have been used to bribe legislators to support the third term bid. SAY NO TO THIRD TERM. We need fresh minds and please no more recycling.

Application forms are out for the Nigerian Idol. I wonder how good this will be. The other talent shows have been crap so far. Is Simon Cowell going to be there?

Monday, May 08, 2006

My Dream Job

I love to read! I'm not partial to any genres. I read them all…. fiction, self help, chick lit, biography, African (especially African writers)..you name it, I’ll read it. My ideal job would involve promoting good writers especially Nigerian writers and encouraging them to cultivate their interest and to explore their capabilities. I would own a publishing firm and discover raw talent and assist in the development of the writers.

Working hours would be a typical 9-5 job but seeing as I'll be the owner of the company, I would not be bound by time constraints. I could work from home but I’d have an office somewhere in the city where writers can drop off their draft copies for review. If I am required to work long hours, I will and if I have other things to do, I will have the freedom to as well.

My job would located be anywhere I choose to finally settle down. At this point, it would be in Nigeria.

I would get to work in my Olive green Jaguar, the AC and music on full blast.

I would be dress business casual on the days that I decided to work from the office. A typical outfit would be perfectly shaped skirts and pants with T-shirts or Fitted Shirts. On Fridays I'd wear trad.

I'd pay myself enough to match other professionals in my area and I’ll re-invest the profits in the stock market and put some back into the business of course.

My clients would be writers, particularly African with exceptional talent who have a lot to offer.

Core tasks would involve getting writers to send in book drafts, fishing out the good from the bad and being able to identify successful stories from flops and organising book launches and signings. Also I’ll successfully market the books so sales figures would be in the millions.

Perks would involve meeting potential writing gurus, having a renowned publishing company, freedom to go on holiday (fully paid) as I wish and to work from home.

Success would be measured from the amount of book deals with authors and of course the profit from the sales of books.

Friday, May 05, 2006

Lyrics Over-Analysis by Low

The idea of this game is to pick a song you enjoy listening to. Listen to part of the lyrics and pick a line/phrase/sentence. After doing that. Simply OVER-ANALYSE IT TILL YOU CAN'T ANY LONGER. The idea is to let the literature genius in u spring out

My song choice?

"You keep saying stay the night, just let me rock you till the morning light". Mariah Carey

Rock kini? I know its dark outside but I'll put the headlights up on full beam. I'll drive real fast. Don't you worry about me boo. I'll be just fine. Why do you keep insisting that I stay? What plans do you have cooking up in that head of yours? You realise this is our first date right? What kind of girl do you take me for? I know what happened to Shaquina when she decided to stay the night with Kamal. The same thing is going to happen to us, I know it!! Besides where is that ring I saw flashing in the light? You took it off didn't you? Where did you leave the poor woman? Who told you that you could rock anyway, and what exactly do you mean by rock? You need to explain it to me further cos it could mean so many things. Do you mean rock as in show me some moves on the dance floor, cos I'm sure I can rock better. Do you mean rock as in show me some moves in the bedroom? I think I'll pass even though you are oh so hot. If I do stay the night I'm going to regret it. I'll be kicking myself asking what made me take leave of my senses. Oh look, it's bright already. I think I'll have to leave boo. Take care of yourself okay.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006


Okay the idea of this is to blog about the earliest memory you carry around with you that stands out from the others. Every once in a while it pops up at the oddest of times and you wonder if you dreamed it up because it happened such a long time ago. The only rule is that you write it in first person narrative.

Don't analyse it, just tell it. I'll start....

I'm sitting watching T.V. I don't know how old I am but I’m younger than 5 because I'm still in Benin City, and younger yet because I don't remember my younger brother being around and I'm two years older than he is. Its dark outside and the light inside is yellow and dim. I don't know if it’s our house or my uncle’s house. My uncle and parents are in the living room with me. It’s a small room and three comfy couches face the TV. The room is divided into the living room and dining room which must lead into the kitchen. A door at the side of the living room behind the couch leads to a passage way where a flight of stairs lead upwards.

It’s very dark so it must be quite late. My aunt walks in. There's some sort of tension in the air, I can almost cut it. I look around and my mum, dad and uncle are watching TV so everything must be okay.

She goes through the door that leads to the passage way. Not long after my uncle follows.

Now all I can hear is shouting and then she starts crying. I get really scared as the screams get louder. I run to my mum in panic. My parents sit tight, my mum with me on her lap, and I look from left to right at both, wondering whether they are going to pretend that nothing is happening till she can scream no more. I try to pretend too but my heart is pounding erratically.

After what seems like an eternity although it must have been no less than a few minutes, my dad gets up and goes through the door, and in the few seconds between the door opening and closing, I spy my uncle, his left hand raised, anger written all over his face, my aunt cowering and crying.

And then the door shuts.

What's you earliest, most striking memory?