Monday, June 26, 2006

Getting to know you

Girl meets man, man gets number, man ‘toasts’ girl, girl and man get along and they live happily ever after.

Why isn't that the usual formula? It hardly ever happens this way. There are bumps, pauses, all sorts of obstacles along the way. Most of the time its not smooth sailing like in the movies or those romantic know, those one we filled our heads with when we were young and naive.

So sometimes you are eyeing this guy, and he doesn't get your number..bummer. Or he gets your number and doesn't call..even worse. Then we graduate to… he calls a few times, then stops. Or there’s where you go out on the first date, and that’s it. There are varying levels of excitement building up with each stage where the girl is thinking to herself, this could be it, I think I've met someone and then……..nothing. It could be most disheartening. We start to think, is all this really worth it? This merry-go round is really getting played out, I don't really need anyone...then you meet someone new, and the cycle starts all over again.

There are sets of rules that go with attracting a man, keeping a man, getting a man to commit etc. I came across this on They basically touch on all the rules I have ever heard.

• Always look great, whatever your income.
• Never reveal information you don't have to. An enigmatic woman drives men wild.
• Keep dates brief but your men interested. Less is always more.
• Let your man pay. If he is interested, he is interested enough to ensure you eat well and get home safely in a cab.
• Never ever sleep with a guy until he has fallen for you. Sex early in your dating game plan will ruin everything.
• Always keep a guy waiting and never turn up early. It is a lady's perogative.
• Never be available when he wants you to be. Never be at the end of a phone when he calls and always let him leave a message or two first before replying.
• If he is available Tuesday, you are available Thursday.
• Keep your man standing on quicksand by shifting landmarks and goalposts constantly.
• Ensure you are a good kisser. Men will walk away if you cannot kiss. Practise on a mirror if you have to.
• Never ever talk about previous boyfriends and particularly their prowess in the bedroom. The number of ex boyfriends is your business only.
• Never pre suppose anything about your date until you choose to know him better. You cannot always tell by looking
• If any man shows the slightest signs of possessiveness or insecurity run like the wind. Life is too short for boys.
• If his shoes or hygiene are a disgrace dump him
• Never ever come across as too available or too desperate, he will run a mile. He is the one doing the chasing remember?
• You may well have all the bodily functions of a man, just try not to demonstrate them early on.
• Never ever criticize his mother unless you want to remain single.

Online Dating Rules

• Always let them come to you, don't chase via email
• Place the best & most vampish photo up you can find
• Don't reply to instant messages with clever opening lines
• Remain aloof and let yourself be chased
• Always reply to emails at least 3 days after receipt
• Never provide you true email or phone details to the man
• Always date safely and protect yourself at every turn
• Make sure your login name is stunning and sexy as well as enigmatic
• Do not login for hours on end. Short, rapid visits are best
• Do not assume the man you are talking to is destitute or sad
• Never ever reply to emails at weekends, wait until a weekday
• Never state how good your sexual performance is in your profile
• If you don't want to date married men spell it out in your profile
• A man who doesn't reply to your email within 3 days should be ignored
• Make sure your humour levels come across in text
• Do not chat to hundreds of men at once, the delay in replying is a dead giveaway and your Mr. Right will be off.
• Don't even think about misrepresenting your size or description. They will find out.
• Come across as cool and sophisticated for best results

Now its all well and good that there are these rules. But do they really work. There are more girls than guys out there, some guys will quickly move along with all this shakara. But then if a guy is really into you, he will want you what’s the point of following these rules?

Girls do you use any of these rules? Guys does it work for you. Do you like haunting and kept waiting and guessing? Or does it drive you crazy?

Friday, June 23, 2006

Girls Best Friend

Wow peeps. That Nonso thing hasn't died oh. I keep getting updates! Na wa for tafia for Nigeria. Sometimes bitterness just gets the best of you. I'm sure La vie is not a bad person.

Thank God its Friday! I'm looking forward to the weekend. Sharrout to Low who is feeling poorly. Feel better boo.

We have a biweekly theme challenge on shutterchance. Today it's Reflections. Check out mine on my Photoblog. Many of the guys don't know what it is but girls, do you? Leave a comment and let me know :)

Monday, June 19, 2006


Wow talk about responses on my previous post, all you amebo's lol. We Nigerians like gist oh. But you can't take on my cousin and her bunch of friends. They are gossip masters!

This weekend was spent basically lazing around and on Sunday, my cousins friends came over for a visit. Three Benin girls in one room! Not a pretty sight...well not literally because Edo girls are oh so pretty :). But the excited giggles, the never ending 'gist', the shouting! “Did you hear Ehi got pregnant?” “Yes oh, she's getting married”. “Her brothers have been raining insults on her calling her a useless girl.” “I heard she is already showing.” “Her ex is now going out with Ivie.” “Yes oh did you hear the gist about Ivie?” And it goes on and on and on. They come up for fresh air once in a while, the jump right back into it.

When I was going to secondary school, I was warned not to indulge in gossiping… but in a catholic girl’s secondary school? Gossip was the norm. “I had a dream that Chichi is a witch!” “Really?”, “Yes I don't think we should talk to her anymore and we have to pray our rosary every night for protection”. Well I left that school a year later and moved to the all mighty girls school in Lagos and was it any better? I tell you NO, lol but gist was always interesting despite the fact that some of it damaged many a girls reputations. You just had to make sure you didn't fall prey to the gist mongers.

Another aspect of this is informing every person about everything that happens to you, your family, and your friends in a blow by blow account, very well detailed. The discretion comes with age. I learnt the hard way. I tend now to forget the gist as I walk out the door of the source host and discuss things that only have to do with that particular person I'm speaking with because gist can cause such drama! (The rules are different in the blogging world :)) There are some things that happen to you that should be known to only you or to your family that should be kept within the family or between friends that should be kept within a tight unit of friends because you end up arming others with things to use against you at the end of the day.

Then there is taking it too far. We have a neighbour who was laughing with us Friday morning and was in China the next day. She does it all the time like we are some spiritual cultist who will revoke her Visa. I know there is stuff like juju and so on blah blah but she knows our every movement and is so secretive with hers. It’s a bit dodgy. Anyway I leave you with this poem...


I have no respect for justice.
I maim without killing.
I break hearts and ruin lives.
I am cunning and malicious and gather strength with age.
The more I am quoted the more I am believed.
I flourish at every level of society.
My victims are helpless; they cannot protect
themselves against me because I have no name and no face.
To track me down is impossible. The harder you try, the more elusive I become.
I am nobody's friend.
Once I tarnish a reputation, it is never the same.
I topple governments and ruin marriages.
I end ministries set up by God.
I ruin careers and cause sleepless nights, heartache and indigestion.
I spawn suspicion and generate grief.
I make headlines, headaches and heartaches
I make innocent people cry in their pillows.
Even my name hisses.

---Author unknown

Monday, June 12, 2006

Monday morning

Today is a public holiday declared by the state of Lagos BUT HR insisted we show up at work because we only go with Federal hoildays. Yeah right, whatever suits them.

Anyway there is one really hurt person in the blogging world. He/she (most prob she) is obviously trying to destroy the name of an ex friend and coming up with all sorts of insinuations and acting like he/she is the person blogging, but I saw through it. Such hatred oozing out of the page.....Check it out and make your own conclusions. African Black Pearl

**Disclaimer: I don't know any of these people.**

Friday, June 09, 2006

Coming soon

A new clothing line by two budding female entreprenuers, Low and Bisoye



You Are Cyclops

Dedicated and responsible, you will always remain loyal to your cause.
You are a commanding leader - after all, you can kill someone just by looking at them.

Power: force beams from your eyes

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Is this Life?

I wrote this last year (before I even knew what blogging was) when I first started working for my company and was sent to Abuja for a meeting. I guess I had the blogging bug even then. Its funny to see the developments in my life since then. 'Him' is no more causing my blood to rise and I'd be happy to be sent to Abuja again. And yes..I'm shamelessly promoting my photoblog.

So I’m on the Ninth floor of the Nicon Noga Hilton Hotel, all alone and thinking to myself….is there no one I can call?!?!?!?! What in the worlllddd? Someone could be sharing this with me. All this idleness will make me call 'him' and I don't want to, but considering he is right there in Abuja...Get thee behind me.

I was enjoying the peace and quiet but now its getting too quiet. So I flip through all the channels available without pay and some strange African group is on channel O, Michael Jackson is on CNN, Bad Boys in on M-net, NTA is too loud and only God knows what forum is being talked about..something about the African Child..yawn. I take my last resort and call my colleague, he’s an okay guy...makes good conversation and all that. We meet on the ground floor and proceed to capital lounge where Don is performing Nigerian music live with one back up singer.. a slim girl on the mic behind him, one guitarist as well as a keyboard played and a drummer. Everyone else in the band is just kind of loafing around behind him…I wonder how they split the proceeds each night.

Don looks like he stepped out from the seventies without a fro. He is petite and has on tight flair pants and a shirt tucked in. He reminds me of the kids from That Seventies Show. He works his magic round the crowd, assuming every girl sitting next to a guy is actually with the guy so doing things like taking a guys hand and stroking the girl with it..u know what I mean. Some grimy looking girls are at the bar with their tops cut toooo low or a couple of sizes too small.
There are also several white men with some of these girls laughing too hard during the conversations and stroking them. Some of the white men could probably pass as my grandfathers and the girls as my younger sisters classmates. There were some cute ones too. I had actually seen a cute couple in the elevator and they had the cutest mixed race baby boy I had ever seen. Couples and babies..sigh.

At this point I’m trying very hard not to fit in with the 'sexy' females. Don comes over to my chair and looks at my colleague and puts his arm around me… I plaster a smile on my face. Don concludes his act with a series of goodnight…night good, au revoir, revoir au, see see, dankershen, shen danker, and the final included a swear word which I the girls at the bar excitedly screamed back, in reverse of course.

So I say goodnight to with my colleague and proceed to the elevator. Some dude is in it. He’s prb 5’4, looks like he is from the eastern part of Nigeria and looks about 40. I’m not sure he if actually looks at my face, more like he scrutinizes my body and asks it .."So what’s your name"?I reluctantly answer since he is really not addressing me.
"Are you in town for the weekend?’ he asks the body….
I reply, ‘no I’m actually checking out in the morning",
"But why nowww, can I change your mind?" he asks
I’m flabbergasted as my body is being visually assaulted.
"Er no, sorry, I have to get back to work in lagos".
He persists, "Maybe you can come for drinks with me, I’m on the 10th floor", emphasis on the 10th floor where the more expensive rooms are.
"I’m so sorry, I have to be up early so I can’t stay up much later"..
"The night is young", he says…and you are not, I think to myself.
"Okay please give me your number". I promise him that if he gives me his card,
I’ll contact him…Maybe when we get to heaven

Tuesday, June 06, 2006


Today is the 6th day of the 6th month of the 6th year in the 21st century.

Twilight Zone: todo todo todo todo todo todo todo todo

6 6 6

I think Omen is showing at Silver bird and the Palms..Don't know if I can see it..Is is scary?

Also you can see my picture on my Photoblog

Happy viewing and

Be careful on your way home...todo todo todo todo

Friday, June 02, 2006

A-Z meme

I've been tagged by Mona. So here it goes

Accent – Nigerian/British/American/Japanese. You figure it out.
Booze – Gimee any type of Booze anytime, anyday. I may just be a semi-alchoholic (without the getting all drunk and crazy stuff).
Chore I hate – Cooking...especially making Salad from scratch..why??????
Dogs/Cats –Ew those witches in disguise that have stinky poo? Dog please
Essential electronics – Laptop, iPod, DigiCam,Mobile Phone, Hair Staightener
Favourite perfume - Not a fan of perfume really... but currently using Light Blue.
Gold/silver – Silver
Hometown – Edo
Insomnia – I can so sleep at the drop of a hat
Job title – Procurement Specialist
Kids - Nope but I want a lot!
Living arrangements – With parents..Naija sucks in some certain aspects
Most admired trait - Genetic trait-- I come from a family with the freshest skin. Baby soft. I'm also quite calm.
Number of sexual partners – Aren't we the nosey one?
Overnight hospital stays – Nope...I'm a healthy morasucker
Phobia - Flying
Quote – Don't sweat the small stuff. I need to say this to myself often.
Religion - Christian
Siblings - Younger brother and two younger sisters
Time I usually awake – 5.30 a.m. Then lay on my bed till 6
Unusual talent – I can pee standing, oh alright I can predict the weather by touching my right breast. Oh Ok I can roll my tongue...
Vegetable I refuse to eat – Olives
Worst habit - BLOGGING!
X-rays – Yes, of my back, several times looking for the cause of an ache which dissapeared eventually thank God!
Yummy foods I make – Chocolate Souffle, Sphagetti Bolognese, Black Soup, Pepper Soup
Zodiac sign – I'a a taurean of course. DUH! :)

I tag Low, Nneka and Dilichi