Monday, June 26, 2006

Getting to know you

Girl meets man, man gets number, man ‘toasts’ girl, girl and man get along and they live happily ever after.

Why isn't that the usual formula? It hardly ever happens this way. There are bumps, pauses, all sorts of obstacles along the way. Most of the time its not smooth sailing like in the movies or those romantic know, those one we filled our heads with when we were young and naive.

So sometimes you are eyeing this guy, and he doesn't get your number..bummer. Or he gets your number and doesn't call..even worse. Then we graduate to… he calls a few times, then stops. Or there’s where you go out on the first date, and that’s it. There are varying levels of excitement building up with each stage where the girl is thinking to herself, this could be it, I think I've met someone and then……..nothing. It could be most disheartening. We start to think, is all this really worth it? This merry-go round is really getting played out, I don't really need anyone...then you meet someone new, and the cycle starts all over again.

There are sets of rules that go with attracting a man, keeping a man, getting a man to commit etc. I came across this on They basically touch on all the rules I have ever heard.

• Always look great, whatever your income.
• Never reveal information you don't have to. An enigmatic woman drives men wild.
• Keep dates brief but your men interested. Less is always more.
• Let your man pay. If he is interested, he is interested enough to ensure you eat well and get home safely in a cab.
• Never ever sleep with a guy until he has fallen for you. Sex early in your dating game plan will ruin everything.
• Always keep a guy waiting and never turn up early. It is a lady's perogative.
• Never be available when he wants you to be. Never be at the end of a phone when he calls and always let him leave a message or two first before replying.
• If he is available Tuesday, you are available Thursday.
• Keep your man standing on quicksand by shifting landmarks and goalposts constantly.
• Ensure you are a good kisser. Men will walk away if you cannot kiss. Practise on a mirror if you have to.
• Never ever talk about previous boyfriends and particularly their prowess in the bedroom. The number of ex boyfriends is your business only.
• Never pre suppose anything about your date until you choose to know him better. You cannot always tell by looking
• If any man shows the slightest signs of possessiveness or insecurity run like the wind. Life is too short for boys.
• If his shoes or hygiene are a disgrace dump him
• Never ever come across as too available or too desperate, he will run a mile. He is the one doing the chasing remember?
• You may well have all the bodily functions of a man, just try not to demonstrate them early on.
• Never ever criticize his mother unless you want to remain single.

Online Dating Rules

• Always let them come to you, don't chase via email
• Place the best & most vampish photo up you can find
• Don't reply to instant messages with clever opening lines
• Remain aloof and let yourself be chased
• Always reply to emails at least 3 days after receipt
• Never provide you true email or phone details to the man
• Always date safely and protect yourself at every turn
• Make sure your login name is stunning and sexy as well as enigmatic
• Do not login for hours on end. Short, rapid visits are best
• Do not assume the man you are talking to is destitute or sad
• Never ever reply to emails at weekends, wait until a weekday
• Never state how good your sexual performance is in your profile
• If you don't want to date married men spell it out in your profile
• A man who doesn't reply to your email within 3 days should be ignored
• Make sure your humour levels come across in text
• Do not chat to hundreds of men at once, the delay in replying is a dead giveaway and your Mr. Right will be off.
• Don't even think about misrepresenting your size or description. They will find out.
• Come across as cool and sophisticated for best results

Now its all well and good that there are these rules. But do they really work. There are more girls than guys out there, some guys will quickly move along with all this shakara. But then if a guy is really into you, he will want you what’s the point of following these rules?

Girls do you use any of these rules? Guys does it work for you. Do you like haunting and kept waiting and guessing? Or does it drive you crazy?


Kush said...

Some of those rules are cool and comon sense like the one about hygiene. But whats the Sh*te with
Always keep a guy waiting and never turn up early. It is a lady's perogative.
• Never be available when he wants you to be. Never be at the end of a phone when he calls and always let him leave a message or two first before replying.

Thats just nonsense

Dilch said...

LOL,lollol you were joking when your wrote these right? Please tell me you were............

TaureanMinx said...

Hmm Dilch I did not write it oh! Its be me oh.

LondonBuki said...

The rules are too much and I cannot be bothered anymore... I've just met someone, a dear friend of mine said... don't call him oh, let him be calling you... but when he calls you sound interested... Gosh... anyway, I have decided to just fashi his side completely cos I have no time for games.

Anonymous said...

I do not believe in rules, where relationships are concerned. What really matters is honesty. When feelings and emotions get involved, you just have to let go and see what happens.

It’s no wonder that there are so many cynical women out there these days. You meet someone, start getting to know each other .You’re thinking, “Let’s see where this goes” and then out of the blue….you find out that he has a girlfriend/girlfriends/wife/wife and children!

It is important to keep an open mind, while maintaining a healthy amount of cynicism, where men are concerned. Let people show you who they are, as opposed to telling you. That is the true test.

NaijaBloke said...

Some of the rules actually work but it is up to a chic to use her common sense to know who to apply which rules to,cos all men r not the same like girls want to believe.Like for me I will tell u categorically if u come across not available or not returning phone calls omo I dan fade be that cos that sometimes mean u have someone that is occupying ur time and with this crazy country,we dey,I dont want someone shooting my innocent self o.
Take a look at the list and figure out if some of them even make sense sef.
"Keep dates brief but ur men interested"-How will I get to know u if u keep our dates brief thats going to give me ample time to look for my reserve list o.
"Keep ur man standing on quicksand by shifting landmarks and goal post constantly"-abeg can someone explain what that mean to me,cos by the time the guy what to score and u already shift the goal post,nne na u sabi o.
My advise is the same one anonymous gave,just keep it real and have an open mind,while maintaining a healthy amount of cynicism,cos men r as scared as u guys which is hard to believe but we r.

Anonymous said...

i don't agree with "getting a man to commit". The man should WANT to commit...

TaureanMinx said...

@londonbuki, giving up? Why? Do what works for you, thats all that matters..
@anonymous, good advise.
@naijabloke..wierd how they think a set of rules can apply to all dates
@belle, same as I said im my post...a guy who wants u will want u regardless

life as a Nigerian Musical-Chemist said...

"The Rules" do work in theory, but here's the make them effective you have to do them ALL......think about it. A lot of them will make you seem crazy if you have broken others.

In Reality, females are naturally emotive creatures, its is therefore nearly impossible for us to keep up with ALL these rules...... (Note:this mainly applies if you genuinly LIKE the guy).....we are bound to screw up on one ( i mean come on!)

So I have found in my experience, when it comes to "The Rules"......big fat nay!

Onada said...

i'm an advocate for ALL the rules...except for getting him to commit..its not by force jo. you have to want it....

TaureanMinx said...

@life as a nigerian musical chemist..pheww thats long...not neccessarily, don't you think some rules make more sense than others
@onada, true he does have to want to commit but sometimes a little push may help

Anonymous said...

Its quite hard and very confusing as to really know what to do or whose instructions to follow when it comes to this.I have been an extremely nice girl and have been taken 4 granted a lot of times, that i let them do the chase and all,..when i dont give them the time of the day,i'm known/being considered a bitch.
[ehn,but who cares]
2 very gd books i would recommend are :1]He's just not that into you.
2]Why men love bitches.


Too Me to blog said...

And I thot it was just me? now i know better than to try and get a date on a tuesday(?!) or give away any signs of intelligence on my messenger...
I guess i may have been on the recieving end of these rules especially the '3 days'ones but i dont think the effect was positive at the end of the day

TaureanMinx said...

Thanks for all the responses peeps. Some Iof these rules may very well be good advice but not in all situations, I guess we all have to go with intuition. Just remember that YOU are fabulous and I guess if its meant to work out, it will. If not, ces't la vie!

Adaure said...

Never ever criticize his mother unless you want to remain single.

I wish I knew this before I blabbed to the last guy that a picture of his mother was unfriendly looking.

thelionthewitchandthefrickingwardrobe said...

From my experience, if a guy really likes you, you won't have to do any of that nonsense. But it is fun to do some of those things! But I would never do any of that to a guy if I actually liked him (which is rare).

Mona said...

Are you serious so ppl are still going on abt the nonso stuvvs! That what? Mad oh...I am yet to complete this your post, had to scan thru cos in a rush...but I had a lightbulb dejavu sort of thing, how about when you give a guy your number (these days) and they call like 3 days later...not that we're desperate or anythin but what are all those gap analysis stuvvs they now do these days (hehe), very annoying...

Mona said...

.....meanwhile speaking of rules, i dont believe there ARE rules cos both sexes have double standards in some cases and there are so many exceptions these days u wonder whether the rules exist! I still like to live by the rules sometimes tho....e.g. like when you bend too much and allow a guy to take the piss, there are rules that tell u what to do so he doesnt feel over comfy in the r.ship....I certainly agree with that (I have a rules book sha - its on that my reading list hehe)

Mola said...

The list is mostly rubish... Some of the techniques are good, but you have to know how to use them to work effectively...
First thing is to know who you are and not be needy... Trying to make someone commit is nonsense... You can't change nobody except...

Nneka's World said...

All these rules just for dating, i tire oh!

just go with the flow, but at the same time know where you stand.

Bella Naija said...

lol....all these rules are rather long long as u do not act too desperate ...i think u'll b aiight....if its meant to be will be....check out my blog

Kunle.... said...

Wow, at all these Funny enough I agree with everything (well the ones I read) apart from making him commit.

I also agree with 'Anon', about the honesty policy, it'll make life much more easier.

Ian McNeice said...

The rules were to get people talking and thinking. I meet far too many women who get walked all over and perhaps if it just allows people to stop and think then its worth it. I am the author of Top Dating Tips.. Cheers Ian

Olawunmi said...

i just know that these rules are not meant to be taken literally. the best rule is to be yourself, unless there's something so flawed about that that you're left with no choice. if that's the case, goodluck!

seriously, this was hilarious in parts.

azuka said...

Erm, this:

Always keep a guy waiting and never turn up early. It is a lady's perogative.

I think that's the last thing I want to see in a woman. It's the age of enlightenment. If you expect me to chase you all the time, then you're off the list.

* Always reply to emails at least 3 days after receipt


* A man who doesn't reply to your email within 3 days should be ignored

Talk about double standards! Be yourself and don't play games with me!

tya said...

haha.. thx...