Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Letter To My Younger Self

Hello You,

Its a strange world isn't it?

You have to remember that you are stronger than you think. You have a will a strong as a rock and it can get you where you want to be so don't shy away from difficulties, use the opportunity to learn and grow.

Draw closer to God, he'll be there when you need him. Just call on him.

There's no need to endlessly do 'nice' things to make your friends like you. They really aren't your friends if they don't like you just as you are. Ditch those types, the earlier the better.

Don't be pressured into being like everyone else. Success should only be measured by your terms and not anyone else's. Not having a boyfriend, sex, or a drama filled life does not mean you are weird. But also give those good guys a chance, at least hear what they have to say.

Don't leave your work till the last minute. Get a diary, get a planner, read your notes every evening and you'll remember during exams.

Don't hesitate to ask advice or to take chances. If you fail, well at least you tried. What's the good of asking 'What if'?

Use your own hair products, Kera Care preferrably, not those mass produced things in the Salon.

Don't be so critical of your younger ones, you were once like them and you were tolorated by the family.

Excersice to keep healthy. This will benefit the older you.

Sometimes you may feel alone but guess what? I love you.


Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Monkey Come Monkey GO

Following in Adaure's footsteps...Check out

I began officially driving to work yesterday. I got up at 6.15, showered, got dressed and left the house at 7. I got to Eko Bridge at 7.15, saw the hideous traffic and turned back home, had breakfast watched Big Brother and left the house at 8.30 and got to work at 9.10.

Traffic is crazy in the mornings, it's not even a joke. So today I left the house at 6.30 and got to work at 7.30. There was still traffic but definitely not as bad as the day before and Dan Foster from Cool Fm kept me entertained on the radio.

Getting to work at 7.30 is way too early for me ( I officialy start by 9. My official time that is) but there’s no other choice except I want to sit through traffic for two hours. I guess the good thing is that I can leave before 5 and beat the traffic going back home as well. This is a shout-out to T Abdul who finally taught me the unclutch-accelerate routine when everyone else seemed to be yarning balls.

Four housemates are up for eviction this Sunday..Joe, Ebuka, Ify and Frank!! I’m sure Ebuka can't even believe it. Fine boy of the house who is constantly giving mixed signals to Franca and snuggling up with Helen while my poor baby Franca has to take it like a G. She has tried using all her feminine wiles but Ebuka is not into her, he's into her once best friend Helen who also in into Ebuka but feels guilty cos her once best friend has professed undying love all over the place, virtually making a fool of herself in front of Africa. Boys eh? A few weeks ago he told Franca he couldn't share a bed cos it was too small but he was happy to share it with Helen. Why do they lieeeee? Beware if a guy tells you he doesn't usually do stuff cos he will sure as hell do it with someone he's into. You know why? HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Browsing Fun Anyone?

Take this test at TickleYou're green, the color of growth and vigor. Good-hearted and giving, you have a knack for finding and bringing out the best in people. Green is the most down-to-earth color in the spectrum — reliable and trustworthy. People know they can count on you to be around in times of need, since your concern for people is genuine and sincere. You take pride in being a good friend. For you, success is measured in terms of personal achievement and growth, not by status or position. Rare as emeralds, greens are wonderful, natural people. It truly is your color!

What's Your True Color?

Brought to you by Tickle

Its funny the amount of weird sites that are available on the internet. The latest I found is You can just keep browsing from one piece of information to the next, brainteasers, poems, jokes, definitions e.t.c. I found this Game.....

The Condom Game

The condom game is a fun and easy game to play. All you need to play is free time, no life, and a large chain store. I prefer Wal-Mart and Meijer myself, but you can use any store, however for maximum effect you want to choose a store that is open late and has condoms. Around 3 AM is a great time to play, you'd be surprised how many people are shopping!

So how do you play? It's simple! All you do is go to said store, preferably very late, and head to the condom section. Pick up some packs of condoms (brand/size/style does not matter), and then stalk your pray. Old people, priests, elected officials, etc. are the best, but you can pick pretty much anyone you want. You do want to avoid anyone that looks like they might have a gun with them... Once you have found your target, follow them around for a bit and wait until they look away from their cart. Then, quickly put the condoms in the cart. It's best if you can kinda hide them in there, but you have to wait for the right time to do this.

Once you have planted the condoms, you then wait for the person to check out, and enjoy! You might also want to experiment with various combinations of stuff to stick in the cart. If you're really good, the best combination I've thought of that can be found at Meijer are condoms, duct tape, whiskey, KY Jelly, and a hamster. This takes some skill to hide in the cart though, so work your way up first!

I dare anyone to play this game and blog about it. Let me know if you do. Sadly Shoprite in Lekki closes way before 3am so I can't participate. During the day it would take forever for the shopper to get to the till AND I have a life.

On another note......

My birthday is coming up early may. In the spirit of this joyous occasion I am feeling generous and so I'm gonna throw a party. Now before throwing a party, I think that people need to start thinking creatively. My idea? Most of my friends are single (ALAS)! Sooooo I have decided to have a red light, green light party. Those who are single, please wear GREEN, like DON'T BE AFRIAD TO TOUCH, I KNOW YOU THINK I'M A GOOD GIRL...those who are hooked up wear RED, like DON'T YOU DARE, I GOT A MAN but shh we can chat....and those who don't know what the hell it is that they are doing, please wear AMBER/YELLOW (for the benefit of colour blind peeps). Good idea?

Thursday, April 13, 2006


I knocked and he opened. His eyes lit up when he saw me. He was warm and inviting, happy that I had finally come to see him.

He said to me, “It is good to see you. You promised you would come often, I have missed you”.

“I’m sorry”, I said, “I always mean to but something always comes up and distracts my attention”.

“I am still happy that you are here, you are always welcome. Would you like something to drink?” he asked.

“No thanks, I am deeply troubled and have come to seek your wisdom on certain matters”.

I did not notice the momentary look of hurt on his face, disappointed that I had not really come to pay him a visit.

“Seat with me, you look troubled, share your worries”.

I said to him, “I worry about my relationships; some are cold others hot, some grow cold then hot then cold. I love my neighbours but they make it difficult sometimes, like Osi, I was with her through all her trails and tribulations, I cooked for her, took care of her, and sacrificed my time and what did she do to repay me? She believed the lies of others, thinking I wish ill on her. She drove me out of her house, and I had nowhere to stay for days. Also, Mina, I loaned her so much money when she needed it. I only asked for a small amount of money and she told me she didn’t have any to spare and she turned her back on me. There are so many other incidences. These are people I gave my time to, they came to me when they were in need and now they go about their business now. They have forgotten me”.

I cried, sobbing like a babe. He cloaked me in his warmth and filled me with peace. Do not be weary in doing well for in due season, you shall reap. I sat with him as he gave me advice, I was thirsty and he filled my spirit.

And as he spoke I felt ashamed for he was my only true friend, ever faithful and always there. The one I turned to only when I was in trouble and needed help…I sat up with a start!

I said to him with tears in my eyes, “I have always treated you the same way my friends have treated me, I come to you only in times of need and yet you always welcome me with open arms. Here I am complaining that others do exactly what I do to you. How is it that you never turned your back on me?”

He replied, “Because my love for you is patient and kind, never selfish, not quick to take offense. There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, its hope, and endurance”.

A mixture of emotions washed over me, shame, hope, joy, wonder. I looked at him in awe, and suddenly my problems seemed insignificant because this was the most important relationship of all and he loved me.

“Forgive me for the way I have treated you. How can I make it up to you?” I asked although in my heart I knew.

He said, “Love me with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might”.

Friday, April 07, 2006


I remember moving to the great Lagos at the age of 5 and meeting my more enlightened cousins. Of course if you don't live in Lagos then you are of course uncouth and need to become cool. I learned a lot in those first few months, generally how cruel kids could be if you were perceived as different. Anyway in Primary one, I remember going to back to class one blessed day and having it up to HERE will all those damned kids. My seat mate would sit then get up, run to one of his friends, whisper in his ear. They would then laugh in my general direction and then he'd run back to his seat and giggle next to me. Looking back, he must have fancied me because I'm cute ( I cannot lie :)), meaning I was adorable as a child. Anyways he did this four times until I got mad. What did I do? I subtly pulled his chair backwards out of his way the next time he got up. What a rude shock he got on his return from gossiping like a girl, when he fell, plop, his bum hitting the hard ground. The shock was enough to make him cry and to satisfy me. I of course pretended to have no idea what had just transpired.

A few years ago on a family trip, I remember my aunt slapping her daughter every time she began to sing the song

"Oh mummy, mummy, mummy,
There's something in my nappy,
It's big and brown,
I can't sit down

If I sit down I will squash it,
And you will have to wash it,
Oh mummy come quick,
I can't sit down

If I"......u get the drift, it just gets nastier.

It got me thinking of a song my enlightened cousins (I love them by the way! Love you boo's) taught us back then, mind you we were in the age range of 5-10

(To the tune of beat it by Micheal Jackson)

"That Micheal Jackson is a very bad man
He tried to f**k a woman
But he f**ked a man
He tried to f**K a bitch
But she threw him in a ditch
So beat it
Just beat

You better run, you better do what you can
Your mother's in the closet f**cking Matcho man".....this also gets nastier

I MEANNNNNNN, how would I feel in the future if my five year old daughter knew songs like that!

Another issue is the housegirl/boy/driver/extended family issue. I remember a driver casually stroking my legs at 13 and me giving him a sound warning, and this was not the first time, or the first guy/girl to try it. Most people have a story of this sort and some even worse.

Its only going to get worse, how do we protect kids in the future?

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Twice As Nice

I've missed blogging so much that I'm going to blog twice today! Woo hooo.

So I was gone to sunny, warm, extremely exciting (now use what you learned in primary 1, words and opposite, thin..fat....big..small..etc and apply that to the past words) London. I was happy to see all my friends but boy did I long to return to Nigeria! Who would have thought that I would miss this hot, frustrating and totally unsafe country?

I had a few surprises on my return.

On the way back home on Eko bridge, I noticed the top eight floors of the Nigerian Industrial Development Bank building in the Marina had collapsed! I was too shocked. Apparently the floors had been burnt down before and the place was just a disaster waiting to happen but people still went to work there...There was a stay home order during the Census period, but a few people still went to work and apparently 24 of the 25 trapped were rescued. I don't know how people can be made to take such risks. The day before yesterday there was a burst fuel pipeline and you should have seen the masses of people running with their kegs to get some. The Po Po were there with their guns but really u don't want to spark the place up. They probably told someone to get some for them. Is it that bad??

YES I WASN'T COUNTED...moving on

Big brother is HEATING up!! People are coupling and kissing everywhere, Chinedu and Joan (Chinedu was evicted last week), Maureen and Gideon, Ebuka and Fransica, Frank seems to be 'toasting' Helen even though he proposed to his girlfriend on air. Its mad.

Gideon feels like a casanova....Yesterday he told Maureen after starring into her eyes for about 5 mins (she was lying on the sofa and he sat looking down at her), stop breathing fast and kiss me. Just like those romance novels i used to read, sigh. Then they started a snogging fest. My mum said 'Ibiekana sakan gbe' translated as kids of nowadays are spoilt. Hmmmmmm, I wonder where I came from...

Checkout Big Brother Nigeria

What else happened while I was away......oh, I missed the total eclipse of the sun darnitttt but I got to see the video footage.

The office thought I had gone MIA because I had not notified them although the necessary people (i.e my boss) were told and could have informed them, but why not just make life difficult for little old me. I had to come and answer to distress emails needing my attention. How can I be the only one in my department!!!!!! I have asked for assistance to no avail. Maybe this will teach them.

Okay thats it....I'll be back.

Miss Me?

I haven't blogged in so long cos I was away. Did you notice? Did ya, did ya???? Lol. Well I'm back and trying to catch up with all my fellow bloggers and saw I was tagged by Nneka. So in fulfilling my Blogging duties. Here it goes

Rules of the Game:
1. The tagged victim must come up with 10 different points of their perfect man.
2. Need to mention gender of target.
3. Tag 8 victims to join this game and leave a comment saying they've been tagged.
4. If tagged again, there's no need to post a 2nd time.

Okaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy here we go, here we go again, now ur telling me, that I digress

My perfect man.......

1) I'm into men, just to clarify for those who were not so sure in my university days when I would rather snuggle up with a good book and was deathly afraid of guys.....Now that that's off my chest....Yeah so no 1 is that he has to be someone I connect with. The second I enter a room, I know he is there...

2) Goodlooking, not necessarily Brad, Tyrese, Morris, drooolllll.....but pleasant to the eye. Sharply dressed and well groomed. I can't stand the rough hair, dada, overgrown beard, baggy clothes; on the other hand clothes that are too tight are just as bad. And cologne or perfume (not overpowering cos that just spells P L A Y E R) is required.

3) Confident, knows what he wants and goes for it. Big turn on. I'm indecisive enough for the both of us.

4) We have to be no less than 85% compatible (mentally, sexually, emotionally, socially, spiritually). I can deal with the other 15% as he will have to deal with my imperfections as well.

5) He has to be a GRADUATE. I’m sorry but no amount of money can attract me to an illiterate whatever the level of illiteracy. It just can't happen.

6) Christian, it would be hard for me to date a Moslem cos of the incompatibility issue. I’m not ruling it out, cos no one knows Gods plan, but highly unlikely.

7) Potentially rich, and when I say rich, I mean able to have all the basic comforts and a little more. I don't have to be swimming in jewels or have a house in every country. So basically he should have a success plan for this life.

8) Supportive and dependable.

9) Taller than me by more than a head and should have some flesh on him so he can lift me...father Lord cast those thoughts away.....

10) Can speak fluent English, or at least be fluent in his mother tongue (for the sexy foreigners) and for most Nigerian guys, this is ENGLISH. All that 'English is not my first language' is bull crap. I can't take the shelling and blatant 'factors'.

I think everyone has been tagged but Kappa, Boyede, Nyjaguy , Cat....