Friday, April 07, 2006


I remember moving to the great Lagos at the age of 5 and meeting my more enlightened cousins. Of course if you don't live in Lagos then you are of course uncouth and need to become cool. I learned a lot in those first few months, generally how cruel kids could be if you were perceived as different. Anyway in Primary one, I remember going to back to class one blessed day and having it up to HERE will all those damned kids. My seat mate would sit then get up, run to one of his friends, whisper in his ear. They would then laugh in my general direction and then he'd run back to his seat and giggle next to me. Looking back, he must have fancied me because I'm cute ( I cannot lie :)), meaning I was adorable as a child. Anyways he did this four times until I got mad. What did I do? I subtly pulled his chair backwards out of his way the next time he got up. What a rude shock he got on his return from gossiping like a girl, when he fell, plop, his bum hitting the hard ground. The shock was enough to make him cry and to satisfy me. I of course pretended to have no idea what had just transpired.

A few years ago on a family trip, I remember my aunt slapping her daughter every time she began to sing the song

"Oh mummy, mummy, mummy,
There's something in my nappy,
It's big and brown,
I can't sit down

If I sit down I will squash it,
And you will have to wash it,
Oh mummy come quick,
I can't sit down

If I"......u get the drift, it just gets nastier.

It got me thinking of a song my enlightened cousins (I love them by the way! Love you boo's) taught us back then, mind you we were in the age range of 5-10

(To the tune of beat it by Micheal Jackson)

"That Micheal Jackson is a very bad man
He tried to f**k a woman
But he f**ked a man
He tried to f**K a bitch
But she threw him in a ditch
So beat it
Just beat

You better run, you better do what you can
Your mother's in the closet f**cking Matcho man".....this also gets nastier

I MEANNNNNNN, how would I feel in the future if my five year old daughter knew songs like that!

Another issue is the housegirl/boy/driver/extended family issue. I remember a driver casually stroking my legs at 13 and me giving him a sound warning, and this was not the first time, or the first guy/girl to try it. Most people have a story of this sort and some even worse.

Its only going to get worse, how do we protect kids in the future?


Dilch said...

The nappy song is just too funny!! Wouldn't let my sister sing it though - and she's 15

ToyinE said...

donno those songs fact never heard them in my life! Meanwhile welcome back, where are my choccies and my baffs from sunny and exciting Jand?

Onada said...

Pls tell me you slapped that nasty driver!

Bent out of shape said...

The nappy song is freaking hysterical!!! I'm sharing that with everyone! I have the perfect plan to protect my son... I'm having a special room built for him in whatever house I buy... It'll have one little window way at the top by the ceiling, and a steel door. He'll be home schooled, so there'll be no classmates, and when his friends (Although 'how' he could possibly make friends,I don't know) come over, they'll be able to speak to him through a highly monitored intercom I'll install downstairs... Girls... Hmm... I'm still pondering that one...*If only I knew some nuns!...*

Ok seriously though, it scares me to death to think of the things my baby might be exposed to in the world today... The kids in this freaking country are the 'worst'! What to do?.. Pray I guess... *sigh*

(I'm still cracking up at the nappy song)

so-obscure said...

Hey, welcome back to the blogville.
Did you report the randy'agbaya' driver to your mum...?

Was he given a dirty slap before being sacked...? I would like to know.

Kunle.... said...

Lol, i never heard that nappy song and i thank God i didnt cause i would have been slapped too. Funny, I also had a driver stroke my legs and even the escort we had while in primary school tried the fondling game too and many others (i was quite cute as a kid too). But the reality of it all is that, as Nigerians, I bet so much more goes on but we never talk about it or have support groups et al. At the end of the day, it's prayer and more prayers oh, cause i swear when i do have children and i catch anyone fondling with my kids, someone is definately going to die. Meanwhile, i dont know the answer to your question, but it's something i think of alot. So if you do get an answer, please share.

LondonBuki said...

TMinx!!! Come on now!!! We were singing that Michael Jackson song saying bad words but not really exploring the words in our everyday lives.

What would you say about kids in England, for example?!?!?! I don't remember what conversation was going on but I heard my THIRTEEN year old cousin laugh at another cousin that she hadn't had sex at HIS AGE (THIRTEEN).

That is what a true Omo ONIBAJE is!!! SPOILT child...

I think we should be happy that kids in Nigeria can be monitored much better than in these so-called developed countries!
Where you are "abusing" your child if you hit them... GOSH!!!

I think if I do decide to have kids... I need to have God guiding me all the way.

Nice reading your blog after a long time... Hope you are not permanently scarred from being touched up by ur driver... and good luck meeting your dream man, if you haven't found him already ;-)

Olawunmi said...

lol. you brought back memories!!!

the nappy song is gross, i'd have been far too squemaish to sing it. ewwwwwwww

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TaureanMinx said...

@ dilch, lol, thanks 4 droping a note
@toyine, ur choccies are being fedexed as we speak!
@onada, I didn't but never sat within touching distance of the guy again, he was sacked eventually, for what? I don't recall.
@bent out of shape, u know that isn't going to happen! He'll run away, lol
@so so O, no oh, I didn't but thats why Im going to encourage my kids to tell me everything that happens to them
@kunle, Im right there with u with a sharp dagger lolll
@buki, im not scarred oh, but i think im wary around men in general.
@olawunmi lol, it is rather gross but it made me laugh not squirm.

Everchange said...

The version I heard was slightly different:

That Michael Jackson was a very bad man
He wanna kiss a woman but he kiss the man
He took a piece of gum and stuck it up his bum
He said eat it
Just eat it...etc etc

Nneka's World said...

Hahaha! loving the nappy song!

Miss YQ said...

In our primary school we used to sing The Lord's Prayer. Instead of 'Our father, who art in heaven', we would sing 'Our father, teacher o ni pe ku' (meaning Our father, our teacher will soon die). It goes on and on but I'll be decent.

Oh, and you can't protect your children. They're scary little monsters - even if you lock them up, evil will find its way to them. Our houseboy once upon a time attempted to make out with me. I'm pretty sure I'd have done it (me being a curious little 12-year old) had my aunt not walked in and chased him out of the house. He was on the next luxurious bus back to his village before the end of the day. Hilarious.