Monday, February 19, 2007

Self Analysis

Every year we make decisions to change certain aspects of ourselves....bad habits, certain behaviours and when I make these decisions I usually stick to them for a few weeks and revert back to my old behaviour in no time. Some are easier than others because some of these habits or patterns of behaviours are deeply rooted in us. We have been exhibiting them for years and it’s not so easy to just turn around and change it even though you may know better. Who remembers the phrase "It’s my NATURE" lol.

I did a personality type test for work and the results touched on a few bahavioural patterns I used to think were all bad. I remember always wishing I had a different personality type. Why am I not more this and that like this and that! But after reading my assessment, I have accepted that not everyone can be the same. There are various types of personalities and being a certain way doesn't make you worse or better than the next person but how you work with your personality to your best advantage is what matters.

I'll share a little bit of what I need to be careful of regarding interpersonal relationships when it comes to my personality type. These are the things that stood out the most for me and that I acknowledge I need to work on or to continue to work on:

1) In CONFLICT SITUATIONS, Taureanminx, you may find communicating and interpersonal exchange difficult to handle. You have a tendency to move away or avoid conflict so you can think about the issues and concerns of others. As a way of coping, you may accommodate the needs of others at the expense of your own to alleviate the stress you feel. You may try to reduce the conflict by trying to minimize the risks, slow the action down, and stick to familiar routines, details, and things you know. Under pressure you might “just wait ’til it’s over.”

I know conflict can be a good thing but I absolutely hate it. I remember quarrelling with a good friend of mine years ago and thinking it was the end of the world. She was shocked at my reaction and how upset I was as she thought it was just a normal argument that would eventually be resolved. I say yes when I mean no or beat around the bush if I feel there will be a potential conflict. It makes me look bad even though I have the best intentions. I've improved a lot on this, now I accept that there will always be some sort of conflict and that theres really is no pleasing some people but it still upsets me. I like the advice to just wait till its over. Works tres well for me.

2) When COMMUNICATING with others you will prefer to support others and accommodate their needs, but do so by limiting the requirements you are willing to address to take on. You will tend to be indirect and qualifying in your statements to others, yet want to show that you care about them.

Same as above. I like to do things for people even if I have to put my own needs aside. It makes me feel good but I don't like to make hard commitments to do these things. I'd rather they let me get back to them in my own time because I don't like to feel pressured or like I'm being forced to do things. My family knows me well, threats and direct orders never work. The funny thing is that I’m more productive under pressure but I just like to think that its me pressuring myself not others.

The problem with doing nice things is that I end up feeling resentful when I feel like I’m not appreciated, when no one asked me to do those things in the first place. And since I hate conflict I'd rather keep my feelings to myself which compounds the issue. I've started towards making a change in this regard by saying NO to doing things for people when I don't feel like it or my gut feeling tells me its a bad idea or if it affects the things I should be doing for ME.

3) You will prefer face-to-face interactions. Email or voicemail are chores that you have to get to. You will put distant, non-face-to-face communications aside when you are with others. Being people-oriented, tasks will always be second.

A terrible thing that I do. I find it hard to keep in touch. My closest friends are those around me at that period in time. Once they move far away, I think of them all the time but I don't get the chance to effectively keep up with them. This I have tried to change by setting several reminders and responding to emails as soon as I get them because once I don't reply its hard to go back to respond. I love both my blogs, at least my friends can keep up with me.

4) Although as a Specialist you are strong in the people domain, You tend to be guarded or secretive with people. As an indirect, introvert-acting person, you often do not reveal much about yourself. You are more comfortable dealing with what you know, understand, and prefer—including in your interpersonal relationships! This may lead to perceptions of aloofness from others and lead to interpersonal relationships that are often infrequent and short-lived. You tend to shy away from extensive, indepth involvement with people. You often do not express your feelings or thoughts straightforwardly because you feel you may hurt the other person or weaken your position with them. Instead you may tell the other person what you think they want to hear.

If I'm not comfortable with you, its really hard for me not to be guarded. I find it strange some things strangers share with themselves. I guess blogging has helped in this aspect. I have heard all these words used to describe me, mostly from guys. I seem to be a bit more open with girls. I am trying to express myself better and to be open and direct. Sometimes I really worry that the truth is a bit too much truth and might make the person angry and this has undermined some of my relationships because I don't say what I really want to say but now even if the truth kills me, I’ll stand by it.

GOOD ADVICE FROM THE ASSESSMENT

Be more open with people and less guarded. You will appear less secretive and less withdrawn. You must remember that trust is earned through disclosures, which make you understandable. Next time you are with someone you feel is a person with whom you want to develop a long-term, personal relationship, begin to notice what you say and what you are really saying to yourself. Notice what you are not saying. It could be that what you are not saying is the key to what you really need from this person. Ask, “If you were to be honest with this person, what would you say?” “If you were to say what you were thinking, what do you think the other person would do?” “Say?” “What is at risk if you were to be honest?” “What do you think is at risk for you if you are not honest with your own needs?” Try to be honest with yourself.

5) You need to develop a better balance between pleasing others and pleasing yourself. You are so often focused on your care-taking activities that you forget to acknowledge and affirm yourself beyond the good works you do for others. You can know yourself through skills, hobbies, and experiences, which have little to do with people. The challenge is to find those things and allot time to them.

I have- my photography....and my blog :)

My question is...why do I care about people so much!!!!!

31 comments:

Miguel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Miguel said...

I can't believe I got here first! What!!! ok now this is strange...where is everyoneeee?

Great post TMinx...very insightful.
I truly believe the only way to build a solid relationship is when the two in the relationship are completely open and sincere with each other...it sets up a strong foundation. Totally enjoyed readng this post.

bimbylads said...

darn.... miguel beat me to it.. OK, let me go back and read.. brb

bimbylads said...

ok im back.. hmm..deep post..on the conflict note,I also hate conflicts, I would rather nurse a hurt internally than to confront the person to avoid conflict.. now i see it as a kind of weakness and im working on it..

LondonBuki said...

U see oh TEMMYTAYO, I was not first oh! LOL!

TMinx, she thinks we text and/or email each other when we update our blogs! LOL!!!

Anyway, you don't need me to tell you I agree with everything here - I took part in the assessment and I don't know if you got my results cos I chose not to be anonymous.

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

The self analysis assesment is good and very insightful in getting to know ones weekness and strenght. Maybe we should all try and do this. Great post by the way.

oh this is just a side bar - DJ valentine still plays all the music all at the same time whenever I open your page - is there something Im doing wrong??

TaureanMinx said...

@miguel, yayyyy! $50 just for you. Mention my name to your banker. He/She will know what to do. Well said, its neccessary to be open and direct even when it hurts.
@bimbylads, yeah nursing it messes up your system and it always comes out eventually at the wrong time in the wrong way. Don't let it fester.
@LB, What happened to your usual 1st position. I am dissapointed in you lol. Yeah you definitely know about me, and thanks for understanding our differences and never taking advantage :)
@DJ valentines tracks have been removed. I think ONB had the same issues.

Anonymous said...

Hey,

Took part in the assessment, anonymous though.

I however think you have to accept who you are and be totally comfortable with it.

Its nice to be considerate about people's feelings, I however think its also very liberating for you to be direct and open. So you just have to find a balance.

What the hell am I saying? Abeg I don't know what am saying, just wanted to try sounding like Oprah or Dr.Phil. :-)

Be yourself jo! And don't worry too much about what other people think.

T.A.K

temmy tayo said...

Well for being the 9th aint saying nada, I have been checking this page all morning.

I know T-Minx and BUKI are up to somefink!

It is very true about staying guarded around people I don't feel comfy with. One can never be too careful.

LM said...

We are all of us - and each one - unique. We improve that which can be improved upon and accept the rest. That's part of our lot for being human.

I've accepted that I am an introvert and reserved. My family and close friends have come to accept that i.e. I'd rather stay at home on a Friday evening and watch a movie than go out socialising (unless it's a trip to teh cinema). Those who don't know me will say I am aloof, snobbish or perhaps insecure but I don't care, since I don't know them, their opinions don't count. If I were like everyone else, where would the joy of being me, be?

TaureanMinx said...

@TAK, thanks girl. You are right about finding that balance, I am well on my way. Hows that african country of yours :)
@IM. I on the other hand like to socialize when I have friends around me, I've changed from being reserved but I still have a lot of the other traits. Its true that we shouldn't worry about people around us.

Shola said...

good one. i ll really like to have an assessement too.

people have said different things about my personality, atimes i wonder if i am that complex!

snazzy said...

the whole why does empathy = doormat question. I think every empathetic person has to find the answer to that one themselves. Though unfortunately I think it boils down to the pop psychology thing of self worth. That how ever you manage it, you need to know and believe that your needs are as valid as those of other people.

Simply Gorgeous said...

I really enjoyed this post T-minx. t makes you think seriously about conflict resolution. I mdon't like conflict and I don't think I can handle conflict very well. But it is glad to see at least you are taking a step in the right directions in terms of outlining your weaknesses.

Mari said...

I'd love to take that assessment test as well. I know I can't change alot about me but would really like to know the areas I could improve in. Nice post TM.

omohemi Benson said...

First of all thanks for that gbedu playing while reading the post.

Nobody is a finished product,we all strive to be better.
About caring about people so much,it only normal to an extent but when we care about others too much,that comes to our detrmient,thats where the wahala is.

Meme said...

Babe...I don't know if you've noticed, but its a family trait....

Favoured Girl said...

Nice post, T-Minx. It's good to reassess oneself sometimes, and recognise our strengths and weaknesses. We are all trying to become better people in life. As we grow, we change as well, so who you were 5 years ago, is not who you will be in 5 years time.

Anonymous said...

are we twins? seriously! sounds like you are writing about me?! odd!!!!

ceecy29 said...

Not to echo anonymous above me, but I see alot of myself in your results. Well, except for the face-to-face interactions bit. It's crazy cos I'd rather send a text or an email, than talk on the phone. My strongest relationships (excepting a few) start out virtually and then branch out.

Great blog! Been following it for a while now. Guess I decided to "come out", so to speak, on several blogs today.

Lee said...

Very good post!!!
Sometimes its good to analyze oneself.
The answer to your question is because thats just YOU, you can't change who you are. Its a GOOD trait and do not change, I think you should just be careful with the people who take advantage of your caring nature.
Anytime I try to do my best for people and they don't appreciate it, I try to remind myself that I CAN'T please everyone..
Please do you have a link to this test? would like to take it too.

Cheers!

Vera Ezimora said...

Hmmmmm.

I'm a lot more open with guys... I dunno why. Women can just be spiteful jo. They will use what you told them against you, but guys....they can be true friends...if they don't want anything else from me.

Nice post, TMINX

....I'm surprised Buki didn't get here first. Wat happened? Did y'll have a couple's fight?

UnNaked Soul said...

I have something close to what you've got: A compulsive need to please people even when I don't have the capacity to... very terrible... then I try to work my ass to pull it through...

Secondly, I like working on my own terms (except if you seduce my senses)... threats and direct orders is just a waste of time...

Nice one... now, some of the questions bugging me we first met has been answer... always thought it was me... *wink*

one question: Have you ever thought about being a les? just an innocent question oh... no chew my head off... lol

TaureanMinx said...

@shola, everyone is not so compex once you understand them lol
@snazzy, very true. I love the last line about my needs being valid.
@@SG I guess we can learn how to handle conflicts better because its neccessary. Conflict is good.
@MAri, its a work thing so non staff do not have access, I would ave loved to share it with all.
@Omohemi, yes I have realised that. Now I make time for myself and don't do things i don't really want to do.
@Meme, I noticed oh, quite a few of us are generous to a fault.
@Favoured girl, thi is so true, I have definitely changed in the past 5 years. I guess we can only keep improving ourselves.
@anonymous, there are only four MAIN persoality types, there have to be quite a few people in the world who fall into my quadrant :)
@ceecy29, thanks for leaving a comment :). Happy coming out lol
@Lee, like I said to Mari, its restricted to employees only but I would have loved to share. I know I can;t change, I just have to be more assertive and less guarded.
@Vera, its true about guys and girls but I have some great friends that I'm comfortable with. Somehow I lost out on that being able to be comfy around guys when I was younger..blame it on a sheltered childhod and an all girls sec school. I've changed in the past years.
@unnaked, lol, i'm not attracted to girls in that way. Les ko les ni.

Patrice said...

I don't see anything wrong in the assessment. Few of the people who read your blog know you personally, but I would bet nearly every one of them, including me, sense your caring and altruistic nature. It is one of the reasons you have such an avid readership. The 'good advice' part of the assesment is too much - you would find yourself overanalysing and second-guessing yourself if you were to follow it. Just be yourself. I don't think there is a need for you to try consciously to change. The change, if it happens, will be natural and serve to accentuate the truly good person that you already are.

NaijaBloke said...

Hmmmmm...Bachelorette #2 ...

That was kinda like soul searching for u I think and it also sounds like of my blogger friend.

I think it is too much work trying to work with all those things u wrote abt.I am always free with everybody unless I get a bad vibe from u and trust me I always do.

U take care dear

Nyemoni said...

Did I hear someone say bachelorette??? Soon to be e-wife!

Calabar Gal said...

I love ur blog and photography too.

Bella Naija said...

Very very insightful post.
I hate doing any these self analysis things...i am not sure why but maybe I am scared to come to terms with some things.
I say, you are a people person but I def do not think u r a people pleaser so its more like be yourself in life but regarding work, the points are valid....

Oh well, have a great week!
How is BabaAlaye?
Ciao

Moments said...

I think taking some of these assessment tests can be very insightful. I took one recently too and I was surprised at how much of me it revealed.

Be yourself, but also learn yourself and finally develop yourself. Very important...

Enjoyed reading your post :-)

Biodun said...

Wow, this test deep o, it sounds like it took forever, but it gives great insights though. I need to take one. You are who u her girl!