Monday, July 31, 2006

Down down down

This weekend I felt a little bit out of it. You know how you can be surrounded by a whole sea of people and still feel excruciatingly lonely. I get like that once in a while…smiling on the outside but quite worried on the inside. My life has always gone like clockwork. Nursery School at 3, Primary 1 at 5, JS 1 at 9, Pre-degree at 16, University at 17, Masters at 20, NYSC and Work at 22. Great right?

I’m quite confident that I can excel at anything I put my hands to except in one aspect…Relationships. I’m crap at relationships. My track record with guys is abysmal. It’s like when it comes to me, guys have ADD. I can’t seem to hold their interest for too long (they can’t seem to hold mine either), which leads me to ask myself if I’m boring and picky and then I go down a long winding step of self-examination and then I prep myself, climb back up and start all over again. It’s quite disappointing when I have to start all over again and it’s much easier to say I give up cos I don’t want to have to keep on going through the same pattern of events over and over again. It’s just weird that this doesn’t seem to be falling in place like everything else in my life.

Sometimes I watch my friends to see if they interact differently with guys. Maybe I give off that air of nonchalance or something, cos I’m quite easy going and laid back. I dunno but it worries me anyway. When you are single it seems like everyone you meet is in a relationship. This truly amplifies your singleness. You hear about so many fairy tale romance stories and THE WEDDING WEBSITES! What are they trying to do? Drown us with the stories?? It was all planned in my head I was going to be married at 23 and have 7 kids (I dream big) but I’m a year late and each year reduces the number of kids. Okay 7 is too much, 4 sounds good, maybe it’ll even be less later.

I guess all I can do is keep my head up till something happens. I’m usually optimistic but when it comes to this, let’s just say being optimistic is constant hard work.

19 comments:

LondonBuki said...

Tminx luvvie, I will say what you have said to me when I have been down about things in my life - Pray about it.

And not meaning to sound like a broken record - God's time is the best.

You should be thankful you are finding out new things about yourself, like your talent in photography, and writing like I just mentioned in my "Journey Out of The Red" blog...

When we are down, we forget the good things in our lives... please try to think about all the good things you have and just keep on praying okay?

Much Much Much Love x x x

LondonBuki said...

Having a plan is good but, at the same time, when things don't go according to plan, we tend to feel like we have failed.

When it comes to relationships, try to take each day as it come, it's easy to say I know... and PRAY ofcourse.

Parazone Super Bleach said...

awwwww...Darling, It will come when u least expect it. At least that's what I tell myself.LOL Those that are getting married are those that have been dating for a while and ARE READY TO substantiate their union/relationship.

I find that a lot of guys these days think they'd like to settle down and ultimately marry..but when they start dating, they see something else they fancy and decide they'll rather play the field just a little bit more.
Some can't even commit to a blind date.ie they won't show up! They are too scared.So one is left high and dry.
You seem like such a great gal and I don't think it's a boredom, or a loss of interest situation(ore even a picky). I think it's a Commitment Situation!~( AT LEAST FROM THE GUYS ANGLE)

Chin up babes...You will win!

Nneka's World said...

I have to agree with London buki.

God's time is the best, dont rush into things and dont dwell on things, just let it take its natural course.

Its not your attitude, you just have not found what you are looking for, when you do, you will know

Biodun said...

lol @ d website comment, but yeah girl, u so remind me of a friend of mine, she is kind of in ur boat too, but girl dont sweat it, I dont think ur boring or picky, ur photo blog prove it, as Buki said its about God's timing, the wait sucks though, I know. And really u want 7 kids!!

Anonymous said...

I really understand how u feel, oh my god, i cant count how many times ive felt that way. Sometimes i wonder why ive been single for so long, then i start to think, may be its me. But its really not us, just the damn guys, and us wanting the best, babes dont settle its not worth it. Made a mistake and finally settled for a guy xmas, didnt like him all that much at first but then, it all changed, until the f***** broke my heart, can u imagine, someone i didnt even want to date. So my lesson to u is ur time will come and pls pls dont settle just coz ur lonely.

Dilch said...

I had my plan all mapped out as well. I never really thought that much about marriage before, always figured that there would be lots of time, but, it seems the time is running out............My mum had had me when she was my age - though I bet everyone can say that, our parents seem to have gotten married, ridiculously early!!! Anyways, Taurean I can feel you jo on the 7 kids, I wanted 6, no odd numbers for me. However, again time is running out, my goal is not to have kids until 2 years after marriage, so I don't think I can manage 6, as my currently bare left hand can testify too

Onada said...

London buki nailed it on the head. God time is the best. People look happy from the outside but you never know whats going on on the inside so i try not to look at people and want what they have.

wanna for an anti wedding websites coalition force? :)

Hotpink said...

Like anonymous said, u are definitely not alone.

i used to think i was just plain weird, might fancy a guy but wudn't like him particularly much; or might like the guy but not fancy him at all; or might fancy him and just push him away cos i was too scared; different variations on all of the above.

i've managed to get over all that with time, thank the good Lord.
Met quite a few nice guys and even tho' it hasn't worked out with any of them, it's left me feeling quite optimistic.

T.minx u may not realise it but with each experience you're growing and maturing to be able to handle that relationship that God has in store for you.

Keep on praying and keep on believing.

NaijaBloke said...

@Onada ..reading ur comment just cracked me up ...which one be anti wedding website coalition force again.

Tminx Londonbuki has said it all."God's time is the best".Like I always tell my mum when she gets on my back abt getting married ..Am the person that will live with the person that I get married to for the rest of my life so stop pushing me.I even scared abt having kids if thatz what she want cos thatz the easiest thing to do over here.

Pilgrimage to Self said...

This might really irritate yo and you have probably heard it a million times already but what the heck, I'll say it again;

YOU JUST HAVEN'T MET THE RIGHT GUY. It's that simple and when the right one comes along you'll just know. Believe me. Hey, why do you want to tie yourself down at 22? ENJOY your freedom and don't put so much pressure on yourself.

Be blessed.

PS: Remember 'Man proposes, God disposes'.

Anonymous said...

taureen minx ... girl you took the words right out of my mouth.

but keep your chin up and make good use of being single.

Mona said...

Everyone has their time to shine, yours will come soon keep your head up :o) menn u finished sch early oh, were u on a rat race or something

tboz said...

hey tminx. I know everyone has said it all but i'll slide this in. I'm sorta in the same boat as u r. Uni at 16, masters at 20. working at 20. Planned to get married at 24 and have my 2 kids b4 30 wit a 2yr honeymoon period b4 the kids of cos. But i'm gonna be 22 at the end of the year and no relationship (which is the obvious next step to most people). Its normal to stress and be sad bout ur plans not coming 2gether as its always done all thru ur life but its all bout having faith and believing God has a bigger and better plan than u wud eva imagine. And i feel u on those Weddin sites oh. Those buggers (lol) r everywhere. No matter how nostalgic/reminiscent dey make me feel i'm happy for dem tho' :)

Janet said...

I often wonder if women are the only ones who try so hard to achieve that complete whole. Today's woman often seems interested in career and marriage. For men, it all seems to be a when and if it happens, it happens type thing.

Here through BE!:)

uknaija said...

My goodness, why is such an obviously smart and talented young woman getting hung up about marriage at 24? I know what Nigerian society is like, but please, please, please I beg you don't get sucked into all that...live your life the best way you know how and if/when it happens it happens....even the 6 children sef :-)

Nyemoni said...

LOL! you guys are crackin' me up! Surely, this must be the in thing, A friend of mine was telling me the very same thing on Sunday, how her mum bugs the hell outta her cos her 3 elder sistas are married and she is not!
Girlfriend, all I have to say is enjoy your spinstership. Being married will not make you a better person or something. I'm sure you know that..
One mor thing... Pray about it!

theborogirl said...

For a moment I couldnt' stop thinking that we're two of a kind.It's EXACTLY the same with me.Whatever I take up,I'm a succes....but relationships?I totally suck at those.Maybe it's a turean thing.I'm a Taurus..and judging by your nickname I suppose that so are you.So as you see,you're not the only one...if that's any consolation.

Keep the faith

Belle said...

Gods timing is definitely the best... God forbid that any of us marry the wrong person...that would make life unbearable. Try and learn something from each relationship, and you'll see that the cycle might change...

Keep your head up :)