Hi,
Not all of us are engaged but the real question i want u & yr fellow females to respond to is: if u meet a normal guy, he says the right things, gentleman, agrees no wed no bed & all...would u believe him & give him an opportunity to be?...cause it seems y'all made up your minds that normal blokes r extinct!
I got this as a comment in my last post. Girls what do you have to say in response to Bijimi?
Friday, July 13, 2007
GIRLS A QUESTION FOR YOU
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51 comments:
Rarely would you meet a guy who says 'the right things ,agrees no wed no bed'' and all that stuff... and it all depends on your definition of 'normal' guy
i guess there is someone for evryone really ..you only have to be true to yourself and realise that there is no perfect guy out there..they all have their strenghts and weaknesses just like we womenfolk
i believe sincerely in prayers ,i believe a lady should pray for what she wants..get busy with her life, (man or no man you are complete on your own, )go ahead and achieve those beautiful dreams of yours,BE YOURSELF, Someone who would complement you would show up at the right time
this is my own little experience..i wasnt searching when i found him and we were friends first for long before becoming lovers.....so so, today two kids and a lovely home
lotsa love
leogirl
it really depends on what you want out of life..what you look for in a man..men are not 'creatures' from Mars so to speak.. in fact i think they are easier to get along with than we womenfolk ..[my experience actually]
i believe in taking things slowly and letting things happen naturally ,you need to really get to know someone before commiting and rely on your instincts they are your sharpest tools..that's why you're Feminine..a lot of girls are in a hurry to get a man in their life they'll go for any one that seems interested..even most of the so called 'engaged' ones are really not facing reality because marriage is no small joke
BE YOURSELF, WORK HARD AT YOUR PROFESSION AND MAKE OUT TIME TO HAVE FUN AND MEET PEOPLE
Surely you'll find your own complement
and pray..the Lord doesnt make mistakes
Have a lovely weekend
LEOGIRL
I guess no one is rushing to answer this! Common girls, we would like to know your view...
I think I am first? Ok No! ...I'll be bak to answer d questn...
I believe in friendship because what else are marriage partners than best friends? If it starts as a friendship then one can assess if he is really 'normal' or not. I don't really know what a normal bloke is because we all have different definitions for normality but I believe that there are still many good men.
Believe me, I will truly need sum1 to knock me back to reality b/c I just won't believe what I am hearin'...I may be dreaming but that's the tricky part...when the real (I won't call him normal b/c all guyz are normal but not all guyz will be 'The One') guy cumz it does seem like a dream b/c even when you bring out your flaws...he just accepts you for you and he is ready to do everything to protect you even giving his life for you...(***thinkin'***) Cum oh! I am wondering if I didn't juz send 'The One' away...Nay! b/c he never leaves you...he may go but he never leaves you...He juz gives you time...and when you are ready he will be right there waiting to love you forever...
I hope say I pass dis questn...u can give me 80% for dis answer abi???
I know Bijimi personally.He's a really cool guy.Smart,sweet and has been celibate for 2 and a half years.
It's not a matter of whether normal guys are extinct but if we females have the courage to stick to our principles when it comes to the no wed no bed deal.I recently met a typical naija bad boy and told him that's the way we would go..truth be told i thought he would say no and do a runner but surprisingly it's been about 4 months and he's still here and going strong. Maybe he gets his kicks elsewhere...i really don't care but all that matters is it proves to me there are normal guys there and would respect you when you show how serious you are about it and if he really cares about you. So that means your behaviour has got to be consistent with what you are preaching!
I'm first!
In an odd way, I agree with Bigjimmy (lol). A lot (not all) of naija babes want a particular kinda excitement that is often hard to come by with the good boys.
I got me a good man and he doesn't give me any stress, is a praying man, treats me like a queen et al and you'd think I will be satisfied! Well, I'm satisfied but occasionally, I still long for some kind of excitement. Now I know brothers who can put it down(as per excitement, what were you thinking?) but they are also the kind of brothers that will get me sectioned, as in drive me deranged because of one other titilope or busola or itohan sef.
lol @ no wed, no bed...
I think that for most women, we will be very skeptical because of past hurts and experiences, but if the dude is really sincere, he might get a chance...but then again, most females i know dont want a "mr. nice guy"...lol...we want the one with the swagger and all, not the nice guy that will tell you what you want to hear....
see? and you girls talk about brothers being hooked. i put up a notice and not one single damsel noticed. or pretended to notice. me thinks u all may be having selective vision? someone prove me wrong. bijimi just might be right on point.
hey TMX, ...I think that there are still some normal blokes around but women have to be really sharp to actually meet and keep one. Opportunities are actually earned so its best to give it some time before jumping into that trust zone with a guy ....
I am already married, but that would NOT work for me!!
I need to know what I am getting involved with, and even with all the knowing nothing is perfect!! So that being said, the physical is VERY important...I am not even going to sit here and lie!
Good question though. I doubt any of my friends would want to jump blindly into anything either...
if a guy you are feeling tells u no wed no bed, it is one of 3 things:
1. The guy must be a true to the game Born Again Christian.
2. He is lying and will attempt to renegotiate the contract 3 months into the relationship
3. He might be impotent, but if you marry him before you find out, it might be too late...(This is far-fetched, I know...but can be a reality)
www.notjustok.com
Gosh, In the diaspora you could take a chance but of course be prepared for the hounding you'll get from your parents and other relatives.
On the other hand, back home, its only a very brave girl that would do that.
I guess I'm saying, I wasnt brave enough to try that line even though it was offered to me.
I'd have to say id be a lil skeptical at first, it wld almost seem like a "too good to be true scenario". But i think it would all just really depend on how long or betta still how well i know him........and if it is tested, tried and true we will definitely be making it happen.....lol
Ahn Ahn Tminx...what is this now? y are u trying to tease me/us? Are there really guys like that in Niaj? Puhhlleeezze...Ok, maybe with the exception of those in church. But wait o Tminx! Have u found one like that already? Be more specific! Wink*
I would give him a chance. I am not much for that preservation before marriage. I have to sample what I am getting myself into. So many relationships break down because the physical aspect is not fufilled. many also break down because it was only based on the physical.
Good guys aren't extinct. They are all around. The problem is we are all looking for perfect. But also, I am not saying that u should use your imperfections and make my life miserable. That's what you have your mother for.
**raising eyebrow** not every girl believes that good men are extinct.
i believe!!!
(lol)
Ms Taurean... how naw?
YEAH... I'll give him an opportunity to be! Normal blokes though hard to find are not extinct in my book! Have a nice weekend girl!
Hey girlie, i know wat i gotta say dosen't have anything to do with today's post.
Since ur in niger,is best i ask u dis question. DO u know if SuPeR sToRy is still on?
Not all nice smells are from roses. I will need to fast and pray about it.
I can see you are seriously enjoying yourself. So when will we expect to see you on this end??
To that question, answer is run as fast as your legs can carry you!Run!!
normal guys aren't extinct oh, they are just a rare and dying breed lawlinnnnng!!
but i am serious sha... they do exist, but they are rare to find, like good girls too..
Am I the first??? YAY!!. Oh maybe not, comment moderation enabled. Anyways, hmm tough question, doubt if I'd believe him. Might give him benefit of the doubt though but just when you do, BAMMM he acts up or starts acting up. It's bound to happen.LOL But that's just me.
when guys seem to good to be true, they usually are.
cynical yes, but often true.
mostly though, we want wat we can't - or shouldn't - have. so when we find it we chase it away.. or keep picking at it till it leaves on its own.
now, if a guy started talking marriage not long after we met, i'd think he was jus looking for a wife to get his mother off his case, or jus looking for a trophy-wife person, the "good girl" to keep at home while he goes off to live his life.
and, if a guy said he wanted to wait till marriage to have sex, i'd assume he was gay and i his coverup, or that he was sleeping with every available female and as such didnt need sex from me. i dated a guy once who said he wouldnt bug me for sex after he'd bugged me for months, and after we broke up i found out he had a child. go figure.
married guys aproach girls easier cuz they have no esteem issues - they dont need to worry bout their 'game'. they already worked their game on someone else.. they're all out of game! plus, wether or not u 'jell' for their 'toasting' doesnt matter, cuz they already gotta girl.
also, i find that if a guy is perfect-and-unmarried, he's either 4feet tall or 3inches thick. i mean skinny u dirty minded so-and-so! lol
y not? if u come across such a guy he just might be the real thing. But honestly i think 99.9% of those type of guys were available in my papa's generation. On the other hand he might be part of the 0.01% left. A girl can dream cant she?
why? yes! I'v been using my mouth/faith filled words to 'create' d husband i want so when he comes it wuldnt be weird at all. hehehe. hope ur having fun at home madam minx
Am 1st..Hurray!!!. Hey Tminx.. Does no bed,no wed include no smooching and kissing too? If not, a guy that agrees to wait till wedding night is worth it. That says a lot about his love for you and his will power too.I know there are a few ppl that stay out of everything physical,even kisses till wedding night, but am sure it is not easy for most.God help us.
i agree with puree above. I married a no wed no bed kind of guy. He is a born again christian as was I and he was a virgin(which made it easier). I wasn't a virgin although i had been celibate for many years by choice.We didn't have sex till we were married but we did kiss and cuddle and smooch so I knew he could have an erection. I know this sounds funny to people but I know sisters in church who married supposedly righteous brothers and the truth came out after the wedding that they were impotent and couldn't get it up. Now that is seriously wicked deception. I believe in chastity before marriage but one should also be wise and prayerful about it. I believe if you are truly walking in God's word,praying to Him and trusting Him that He will lead you aright.
well, first and foremost, there is no perfect human being! as in there is hardly a MR perfect out there anymore atleast not in this time and age - except maybe in churches or mosques!
i sincerely wouldn't fall for a man who agrees "no wed no bed" and all that stuff but there is realy no harm in trying. lol
After reading prior comments all I can ask is ..." what the heck was the question again????".
...My goodness.lol. Anyway I understand how easy it is to dive far away from the catch, especially on this topic...
Most ladies feel normal men are extinct because of either their past dreadful encounters or those of the ladies they are closest to. In other words, you keep hooking up with unfits(thus thinking there's no great guy for you) so you think you are technically doomed to forever attract sharks.
Now TMinx, what do you mean by "allowing him be"? Do you mean not trying to change/refine him? not nagging at his minor faults?....
Based on my best interpretation of whatever that means, whether he says and does all the right things, if you do not experience that excitment and personal heart-felt conviction that you want to remain with him against all odds, sorry chic but you'll be scubadiving for a new 'normal' man in a sec.
There are lots and lots of good guys out there but TRUTH is
*he just might not be the good guy for you OR the man he is 2dy isn't but the man he'll soon become is.Key words here: friendship and patience. Being friends over time helps you see and appreciate his growth cycle. I could never have dated my Mr. as the man he was during our early yrs as friends. Let's say we stayed friends long enough for me to see him naturally grom into my ideal man.
*With all this aluta support for abstinence that factor doesn't primarily make a normal man. That's another point most ladies miss.If that were normal men's key trait (as lots of you focus on)then "Heaven, we have a problem".
Lots of Love!...ooh and luck too.lol
@ demola, true talk.and when you eventually find out the guy is impotent and you are already married, they now start preaching that "for better for worse" shit!
this is a tuff one o!for me i will be really sckeptical n all...all d hurt of past r/ship will make me raise an eyebrow n all!i dont know jare!there is really no answer..make God just guide person to the right person o
Erm..not to digress but why 'No wed, No bed'?
Ide.
Chei, poor man pikin don suffer! After male bashing, now it's psychoanalysis of normal and abnormal men...(***shakes head again and leaves room***)
I used to think that all the good men are taken, but not anymore!
Good guys are still around at least i have 3 of my cousins to proove this. They are still virgins at 27. I pray they dont get to read this. My butts will be on fire.
Loll - what makes you think "no wed, no bed" is normal???
I'm all for people having their own principles and sticking to it. If it doesn't gel with mine then I'll know that we cant work out, and that would be that.
@ide: 'No wed, no bed" is usually for faith-based/religious reasons. Some people personally believe that sex outside marriage is wrong (sinful), and that one should not 'do it' until after the wedding. It's a personal choice.
I will definetly give him an opportunity to be. Without putting all my eggs in his basket. Guys like that are hard to find but they exist. So i'll think its one of three things - Either he's genuine , or he's not just that into u, or he knows thats what we'll like to hear so he says it, doesn't mean it and still plays around.
Funny enuf i support his point. Wen i see a "not bad" guy i tink sth is wrong with him and you wikll av to AGREE WITH ME. Meeting a bad boy mns he is tired of the game n wants to retire but a gentle goody tushu is a time bomb waiting to explore d oda side. And sadly i must confess, bad boys tend to be more fun!!! its just my tot. Welcome home(i know i'm late)
Of course good guys exist. LOL....Just a little harder to find is all
Well...I would say that its more than just having everything you have stated there, sometimes you find guys having all these qualities, yet you are convicted that you'd be better as just friends.
Relationships are about Respect and Companionship, so if you have all this but that companionship factor is missing or the respect isnt there, its not worth entering into such a relationship, its better for both parties involved.
Another thing is if at first you didnt succeed,go and pray, and pray well, tell God the desires of your heart, and then listening, for what is yours will not be witheld from you.
Bijimi, relationships are not rocket science, they come with a lot of emotions, and realize this, that it may probably have had nothing to do with the fact that you weren't "right", its just that she's not yet complete on her own....or vice versa,until then, the relationship wont be worth it.
There are a number of guys out there who do not believe in sex before marriage, which is commendable, but its not enough....enough is relative to every individual though...so I cant tell you what is, or what isnt enough.
which is worse: all the good guys being taken or a so called good married guy hitting a gal for a r/ship. things are really not what they seem...........
My Mr's friend's take:
"normal guy?...says and does the right things?....no bed no wed?...you girls must be looking for Jesus. You can't even find a Paul that easily"...lmao
hehehe good question
i dated one guy no wed no bed for two yrs and it was like the perfect guy for me he will always send me text messages every one hour and everyday come to my house.there was nothing wrong with our relationship so i travelled for a month and he wanted fainancial and visa help so my parents said we should help me cos he is a good guy.so i got the passport paid for this franch visa paid part of his school fees in uk and i did all the runs so he got the visa .only for him to break up with me on new years day by voice and a text saying thank u for being the for me last year what a way to start new years day .some few weeks later he started going out with his ex here in uk.so lets us be careful cos for two yrs we had no sex and yet dis guy had his own evil plans cos when he broke up with me he said terrible things about me so dont judge a book by its cover .when we meet any guy let us pray and do our own parts.remember without God we r lost.so i feel i bought my boyfriend his ticket and visa to meet his ex and start a new relationship afresh but God was able to hold me,cos i invested over a million naira on him in one month.let our head be on top our shoulders.not all that glitters is gold .we can do all things if we put our hope in God.
I do not have the time to read all the comments/responses to this question from the mysterious guy, but my own question is: who is this guy? where is he? and will he have me????
There are still a lot of good guys out there.........
www.passionofawriter.wordpress.com
WO... abeg give me your number! Dont mind them.
catch this bloggers... i know a couple that never got intimate for three years till they got married last year. noone could believe this. the guy even said it in his speech at the wedding... very rare right???
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