Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Hey Ms fatty fatty

Disclaimer: This song is not being rude....Listen to the lyrics



I don't know why I like these songs when all women do is whine half naked in the videos. It’s really catchy though. My blog peeps how are you? I have not heard back from Pilgrimage but the plans are set. Pilgrimage if you read this, please email oh.

I saw Pirates of the Caribbean yesterday...what the....?

So I realised I'm lactose intolerant and I'm sad. I mean I love milk. Maybe this is punishment from the days my mum would send me to get peak milk for her tea. I would drink half of it quickly looking around like a small theif, then I would wipe my mouth and the can to get rid of any residue and take the can with confidence to her.

She would then ask, 'Tminx, did you drink from this milk?'
With complete innocence, I would say 'no mummy'.
Then she would land me with a sharp slap complaining about 'how children of nowadays are not even afraid to lie'. I would cry, but I had my fill of milk.

It graduated to Dano powdered milk. I would get home from school and mix dry milo or was it bournvita and milk, then proceed to eat it while watching Bop TV or MTV Asia (who remembers having MTV Asia as part of the cable package?) Well I do! And my siblings can attest to it because people are making me feel mad for saying MTV Asia existed in Nigeria.

Anyway my mum couldn't understand how a whole can of powdered Dano milk finished in less than a week so she found a solution. All the milk went to her room. So in the morning we would take our cups with milo and sugar in it, go to her room, greet her GOODMORNING MUMMY (or get your first slap of the day or maybe no milk) then she would proceed to measure out one or two TEAspoons of Dano powdered milk into our cups. She was on a one woman quest to save her greedy children. She actually tried to ration the tissue paper as well but I think she got tired or maybe she felt she had taught us that lesson well...Count four perforations and that’s enough for one toilet visit. Maybe that’s why I over compensate with hotel toilet paper. Also woes betide you if you go out and eat excessively and accept everything offered to you. She would give you the eye which meant ‘You just wait till we get home!!!!’

Well it worked, all of us have good eating habits, like not eating really late frequently. We used to have dinner at 6. The only person who doesn't follow this pattern is the baby of the house as my mum had stopped serious child rearing by then. She has all the milk and all the food she wants at any time lol.

So anyway, Soya milk is a close substitute, only one thing. IT’S NASTY. I plan to find some drugs or natural herbs I can take with milk so it digests properly and doesn't make me all bloated.

Enjoy the reat of your work week :)

47 comments:

Uzo said...

Emm...I remember Bop TV (Santa Barbara) but not MTV Asia though i suppose it it possible.

I used to do the dry milk and milo thing tooo...Really greedy stuff there...LOL

BabaAlaye said...

Hehehe I remember MTV Asia and Bop TV, Sky movies + and UK Gold. Good old days.

BabaAlaye said...

Slap ke?hehehe. I remembr Milo and milk Combo. Good times

Nigerian Woman in Norway said...

so was the film any good? it seems like it might be a bit over the top. go and see ZODIAC. one of the best movies I've seen this year.

adumaadan - Blacktinkerbell said...

I did the milk and milo combo too. It was fun. Darling, me I am not remembering MTV Asia o. Are you sure you and Alaye didn't imagine it together?

Your mum is too much. Seems she handed out slaps quite liberally.

TaureanMinx said...

@Uzo Lol, I wanted to go to boarding house so I could do eat milk and milo and cabin biscuit all I wanted
@B, thank you jo, i remember so many asian songs, I know I didnt make it up! @the slap, It didn't hurt but the shock always made me cry
@Nigerian Woman, it was a bit over the top oh. I'll let you know what I think when i see it.
@the shock hurt more than the slap lol. Seems like we all like dry mix lol.

36 INCHES OF BROWN LEGS said...

milk and milo, i like!!! im ashamed to say i still do that now o!!! lol. i also remember Mtv Asia!! and UK Gold as well!!!

classybabe said...

I remember Bop TV but not MTV Asia and i loved milo(cant stand bournvita) and milk combination,it contributed to my weight gain after SSCE

9ja Opeke said...

I remember BOP TV too with all those Sky TV...the first time I fell in love with the Simpson's...Wow! we have come a long way...then it was free at first...now we pay thru our nose and teeth to watch Cable.

Am with you on the lil' milk thief thing...Just remember this, when you begin to complain about the milk being finished (when you have kids) not to flog them sha...Mummy, did it too...LOL

Ms zee said...

LOL... sweetie.. half the black populace is lactose intolerant, you are not the only one... I take lactese (soya substitute, does not taste like soya milk at all, it is rich and very creamy)...

I remember MTV Asia and Bop TV very well...

Have fun !!!

QC days were very cool.. I hated Garri and would trade my Garri for Milo and Dano milk.... oh my...

Daddy's Girl said...

LOL, funny post. Brings back memories. I used to do the Milo and milk mixture too. My mum was always trying to stop us from being greedy as well - I remember we also used to get into a lot of trouble for saying 'yes' to everything offered to us outside. Mothers try sha, it's not easy cos kids can really be greedy.

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

isn't it funny how we nigerians tend to have the same growing up experience. So even though in your case you turned out to have great eating habits, me on the other hand couldn't wait to get to a point where I could eat all I want and say Yes whenever Im asked, feeling mum can't say nothing now...heheheheh..

anyhows say Pirtates of the Carribean too..what the.....

Have a super week.

Allied said...

Wow.. This piece brought back so many memories.

I didn’t like bournivita and Milo, but powdered milk was and is the BOOM.

I still sit in front of the TV now and "lick" milk. This time i just deep my small spoon into the "tin container" watching CNN.

Mari said...

I remember all those TV channels. MTV Asia always had this dancing competition where majority of the contestant would always do a Michael Jackson song. I think that was my best show on that channel.

I love milk but I can't stand powdered milk so no milo/milk runs for me back in the days when everyone was doing it.

That song, Ms. Fatty fatty is so addictive. My sis had it on her myspace page and thats how I got hooked on it.

Elle Woods said...

yeah....being lactose intolerant sucks.

Anonymous said...

Hey,

Reading this entry brought back memories with my mom.. Thanks for cracking me up!

Also how bout trying Lactaid?

You can also try Silk Soy milk, I think it tastes pretty decent with cereal ( my work mate attest to this). You might also like Almond or peanut milk, which is nice, my only problem with the Almond milk, was that it was very thin..

All the best...

lost-not yet found said...

Milk and Milo... How can you forget the original garri cake mixes.. Milk and Milo and Garri...Garri and Milk for the dry days...Garri and bournvita for the very dry days... Garri and coke (coca cola) for crazy days... and of course... the garri and toothpaste mix for the whatinheavensname were we thinking days...

Tutsy said...

Let me start off by saying i am in LOVE with that Jamaican song....you certainly made my day... felt like hearing some jamz at work today and that DID IT!!! Thanx Babe!!!

Okay now to the nitty-gritty, Omo, your mom is gangsta o.....lol...sort of reminds me of my mom sha, the way she used to dish out slaps like she was dishing out free food...lol... And it was something about the technique and style she used in delivering the slap that made it very swift and unique...the pain too....one of a kind....lol...Mehn! i remember those dayz...lol...although she sort of mellowed after one of her infamous slaps on my older sis who just happen to be extremely lightskinned left her fingerprints on the poor girl's face....lol...Pops was furious, that did it, no more slaps...Hurray!!!!..lol.

Now on the milk and milo thing....kai!!! T-minx you're taking me back to dem boarding school dayz o....lol...I loved mixing my Milo with some good 'ol fashioned peak milk....i didn't like tea though....i prefer to eat the mixture free of any liquid...lol...Speaking of boarding school y'all remember hooking up your "locker" at the begining of every school term...lol..that shit was krazy....the janded shit had to be piled up in the front of your locker, then the "Nigerian made"...i.e Milo and co...to the back...lol...you ate that when skool was "dry", close to vacation time....lol. I know it sounds cheesy but buying your groceries in Yanks was how to "show level" back in the dayz, if you were janded your locker had to reflect it...lol..and i ain't talking about "provision" shopping at Julie Pharmacy either...lol..some folks got ratted out for doing that, come back posing like say them travel over the summer, and all the while they "supermarkert" hopping in Ikeja...lol..Since then, every one made sure the $$$ or pounds sign was very visible on whatever they were bringing in...lol..How narrow minded and snobbish we were back then...lol..but anywayz, it was all Boarding school runs mehn. i digress....back to the milk...lol

Momsy never hoard the milk though...i remember her forcing my sisters and i ...especially my immediate older sister who HATED milk with a passion to drink at least a glass a day. She would go on and on about how "you needed it for strong bones"...and when one of her younger sisters got a job with Cowbell...lol..(u remember that joint?)..that was the begining of milk madness in my house...I could have sworn we had our own personal cow somewhere at the back of the house....lol. Mehn! those where those good 'ol dayz...And as per the whole cable TV package, i rememeber every freaking channel and yes there was an MTV Asia because i used to watch that sh#t with my siblings every summer when we were home for holidays...My favorites were Sky One , Bravo , Uk Gold, Sky Movies and MTV Europe...I believe there was Nickelodeon too if i'm not mistaken...boy! i miss those dayz, wish i could go back to being 12 again.

Thanx for taking me down memory lane.

Idemili said...

Girl, what are you talking about? Soya milk is great! I so cannot stand milk.

Boso said...

You're lactose intolerant? That's strange, I thought that kind of thing started from birth. Our daughter is allergic to milk, so I have an idea of how hard it is to find stuff without milk.

Butter, chocolate, you never know where the milk is......

Cheetarah said...

Yes o!Mtv asia,I still remeba the presenters! Back in da day kai!Another world was still runnin on sky.
most black peeps are lactose intolerant girl!

Pink-satin said...

awwww!i can u imagine u young kids with ur cups asking for milk from ur mom!awww...I think all 9ja moms are the same...my mom too did that!i remmber bop tv tho..there was them uk gold/living or something too

loomnie said...

@Lost-not-found
Thanks for reminding me of garri cake!

This whole post has been reminding me of those cool days in boarding school! Abeg, who didn't do the Milo and milk thing...? What about garri and sugar with powdered milk? I have an aunt who is still addicted to that!

Thanks for this post TM... the memories have helped lighten up my day!

Calabar Gal said...

My mum used to do the rationing thing with milk and milo too. We kids must have dealt with them and thier pockets they just had to resort to such measures to save their pockets huh? LOL!! In fact, we used to poor milo or bournvita into paper leaf gotten from our exercise books, then keep it uner a load of books so it gets hard to make 'poor man chocolate'. LOL!!

jadedKiss said...

gosh ur mum sounds like mine.. only better. my mum used to count two cubes of sugar for each of us, and milk was always mixed in a jug for the whole family! i'm lactose intolerant but i dont care - i love my milk!
how are u tho? your foreign country traipsing and all.
take care

Soul said...

Chocolate soya is the best ever...
oh and vanilla soya.. oh yummy..
and I'm lactose tolerant and I still drink Chocolate soya from time to time.. but then I am quite weird... so yeah that might explain it. lol

giving Tminx the evil eye... (what have you done with the swedish adonis..you can look but don't touch, just bring him on home for me lol)

Nonesuch said...

I remember my mum rationing milk too and I made up my mind i would have milk flow in all the taps in my house when i grow up.hhum!
But i find myself almost doing the same now,almost,almost....

Ugo Daniels said...

In response to your comment on my last post

The point is not with peeps putting me on their blogroll. Damn...dats not what i mean. In fact, nobody should even add me.

POint is the ones that added you all of a sudden deleted you and stopped posting on ya site just because yu happen to be commenting on another person's blog.

The people am talking about know themselves. Even one of them went as far as specifying in one of her posts that she only require peeps she has commented on their blog in the past 1 week to respond to one something like that.

And these are same peeps i've been hanging around with 'online'-One Good Family, like someorri mentioned. That was wat irked me. Don't look at da post in a biased or jaundiced manner. Approach it objectively. The fact that I, Ugo Daniels decided to make it a POST should tell yu it disturbed me.

I know most of those concerned are your friends, but that doesnt matter here. I aslo take objections to you sayn my explanation to Uzo is petty.

Moreover, i don't sulk. I only throw back people's fuck ups right to their face. Thats wat am doing.

Gracias!

omohemi Benson said...

I still do the milo&milk combo. lol
Every naija mom gave the eye
even though my brother never understood it. lol

Coral said...

Hehn, and I thought we had a patent on the powdered milk and milo mixture. Was it Nido abi Cowbell? The day I got caught is a day I will never forget in my life. I swear Naija mums are straightup violent! Lol.

NaijaBloke said...

Seems ur mum and my mum had a group meeting thingy going on,cos thatz exactly what she does ....

Did u get to watch the end of the movie,cos the real end was shown after the credits ended...

zaiprincesa said...

razzo..lol...milo and milk concotion..
ok..i think every one did that growing up..some even mized in garri...yuck....and no, im not forming oh...lol.

temmy tayo said...

Small thief, u dey steal milk..... I used to steal my younger ones baby food way back.. I am pathetic.

Biodun said...

Cant remember MTV Asia o, lol I like the song its catchy! As for the milk issue, I have d same prob too, in the mornings anyways, so I swtch to drinking my cereal @ noon, lol, it works for me!

Simply Gorgeous said...

Wow- your mom sounds hilarious... May be it is your greed that is catching up to you.Yours is milk mine is brown sugar. I used to eat it from pot spoons. It is a wonder I have any teeth left.

Favoured Girl said...

Aww when did you find out you were lactose intolerant? That sucks if you've got a sweet tooth like me cos almost every treat has milk in it.
LOL @ your mum rationing milk. For me it was ribena. She started hiding the bottle in her room when she saw how we were diluting it. Then we would have to ask her to make it for us. When she gave us her own mixture it was almost tasteless!

snazzy said...

let's see if we can do this. I remember bop tv and not mtv asia. Maybe the video explains the reference cos I didn't get it. I never liked milo and instead was a fan of what I called water milk and sugar, which I discovered was called milk when I went abroad, um rationing was early and often and as per saying yes to outside things, I even said yes to a glass of wine at like age seven, serious talking to afterwards

princess said...

Hey Taureanminx! first time here and i can see u are really popular. Ok back to the issue, i guess Milo and Milk is about the only stuff i ever stole in my life(Was a pathetic Milo and Milk thief when i was a kid), it was just tooo irressistible then.
Milo, Milk and Digestive biscuits are also great.
Check me out too. would love it.

Anonymous said...

Mehn. I remember stealing my lil' sister's baby milk too when I couldn't find where my mom hid the peak milk. I thought she was the stingiest mom on earth. I then caught my sister stealing peak and it was on from then o. The end was nearer than we thought....we were caught and who ratted the other out to get out of trouble. me!!!! Good old days.

Anonymous said...

Hahahaha at your mum hiding the milk!!! why do Nigerian parents always feel the need to hide the nice stuff in their room as if it were a safe?? LOL!. And the toilet paper LMAO!! i remember my mums doing that when we started using the fancy TP from M-one. And i do remember MTV Asia!!
PS- that Milo and milk combo can give some real strong constipation stuvs!lol

Anonymous said...

Oh WOW! Hilarious post..took me down memory lane!! Mehn that milk used to be the stuvvs, Dano milk is still the best, remember they would have it in those small cowbell packages??...and the combinations, like one of ur comments said..garri, milo and milk used to be the stuvs!!! major constipation though.
MTV Asia!! I remember that!! and it was before M-Net became major, i think it was sky cable or something like that, and it has cartoon network with the gold ole cartoons like Yogi, Jetsons, Flinstones!! lol...thanks for taking me back!

~Mimi~ said...

wow!!!!!!!!!u just took me down some mega trip down memory lane.

my momc too used to measure dano!!!!!!!!!!!!me and my brother too used to steal it!!!!!esp my brother,then he went to boarding house and i didnt and i got bitter lol!

aww, sorry bout the lactose intolerant thing,milk is good for the body o and soya milk is just not it!!!hope u find a remedy.

DiAmOnD hawk said...

girl... now you're going to have me singing this all weekend long...

so i guess being lactose intolerant is somn that develops over time... i wonder how.. why?...

i havent seen of any of the Pirate movies... just somn that never interested me...

catwalq said...

u and my brother shoule get together on the milk issue.
He is ur male version

catwalq said...

Bournvita beats Milo any time.
Can anyone when there was a sudden influx of vitas. i.e Chocovita, Bobovita, Sucovita, everyvita?

catwalq said...

Oh and Pirates of the Carribbean was a waste of money. I was miserable thru d whole thing.
Lame dialogue, excessive special effects, confusing plot, dirty faces and a pathetic love story. d jokes were weak and the characters disgraceful.
Even Orlando could not hold my attention for long. But, I'll still do him

Tayo said...

LOL, who didn't "steal" some milk every now and then back in the day? BTW, I once googled my name and came accross this. Interesting. I believe it might help :D