Lagos 101- The Crew

Lagos is situated in Nigeria, Africa. Once I can upload a pic, I will.

The Lagos Crew

Lagos, the commercial hub of Nigeria is also the largest city….as in overpopulated with approximately 15 million people. Note that this number is those that were counted, some people actually believe those counting have more sinister uses for the information and so hide during the census exercise. Even better, Ifeanyi the driver said he didn’t want Lagos to benefit from him being counted; instead he would go and be counted in his town of Imo State, so that when Biafra succeeded he would be a registered member of the state. I haven’t seen the result of the last one done in March 2006. The one before that was in 1991.

As I was saying, Lagos is overpopulated with all sorts of people. I have divided them up into crews. Please note that this is just something a bored girl sat down to piece together in less than an hour and is a major generalization. If you are offended…Life is really not that serious.

The ‘I feel alright’ crew (IFA)

These are the crème de la crème. Celebrities in town seen in every publication and at every party and born with large white gold spoons in their mouths (not silver). Butter won’t melt in their mouth. Money is not an object, everything can be charged to the large family account. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but some have unbelievable attitudes. Requirements to belong to this crew include the right name, and or old money. You can catch a view of them by forcing your way into a party hosted by a well known name owner and BINGO! The only problem is that you may be ignored or asked to serve the celebrities so dress well and comport yourself with dignity. Be mysterious and they will be eating out of your hands. Oh another tip, achieve a bright skin tone by any means, it helps.

The ‘White collar’ crew (WC)

Those in this group have worked hard to earn their money. They don’t necessarily have a history of wealth in the family or a popular name. They have good jobs, rub shoulders with IFA’s at social events and can afford most things but may choose not to splurge since the money is actually hard earned. Some don’t know their level and spend their pay check each month with no savings all in the effort of trying to keep up with the IFA crew. These poor misdirected individuals actually feel part and parcel of the IFA’s. To move up to IFA, a WC can perhaps seal a marriage deal or be extremely successful so the family name becomes known.

There is a sub group here

The EXPAT crew (EX)

A bunch of Oyinbo gals and boys, men and women who come to Nigeria to work and are paid EXPAT salaries. They are usually without their families and can be found at clubs such as ‘WHY NOT’, ‘PATS BAR’ and sometimes ‘BACCHUS’ etc. They attract BCBG’s (see below).

The ‘Blue Collar Boys and Girls’ crew (BCBG)

Those in the BCBG crew have average jobs and earn an average or sometimes meager amount of money which they use to try and make ends meet. Some have been looking for jobs for as long as they can remember. They may have good degrees but no connections or opportunities and instead may resort to less than attractive jobs including surfing the net for ‘opportunities’. Some get lucky breaks and move up to the WC’s.

There are subgroups to this category

Area Boys (AB)

Areaaaa oh area oh. This group of people own Lagos state. You may need to pay a small token for parking on their road, taking a route they have blocked or if your car happens to breakdown in their jurisdiction. Danfo drivers will tell you stories of woe about how these boys tax them constanly and LASMA officials will tell you how their work is ditrupted daily. Telecom companies will tell you about all the people they need to settle before a mobile cell site can be built and police officers will tell you how many cases have been solve with their help, once palms have been greased of course.

Area Girls (AG)

Not in the same agbero sense that the area boys are taken. These girls know all the tricks of the trade. They are Lagos savvy and know all the men around. They have ‘sponsors’ all over the place. These dads send for the girls to meet them in any part of Nigeria when they need ‘servicing’. The attraction is the money that the dads spend on AG’s in appreciation for a job well done. They even get to go abroad to the envy of all around them. They are always blinging and this group also cuts across the IFA and WC crew, you most probably know one. Only a few days ago I got jist about some girls who don’t need a dime from anyone in this life but choose to sell their wares regardless. Of course it’s all very high class. Hey maybe its the thrill of rubbing a pot belly.

Poor

The final crew is the very poor. I can’t find anything light to say about this group. It’s unfortunate that many in Lagos live below poverty in Nigeria. Many beg, borrow or steal. And life for them is nothing that we can imagine. The divide between the IFA the very poor is verrrrrry wide.

The moral of the story? If you plan to move back to Nigeria, listen closely….YOU NEED A POSSE. It’s necessary for survival....like minded people you can have fun with or you will go crazy. Part of the posse should know their way around town because we don’t want the blind leading the blind now, do we? Mark my words….I tell you this, I tell you. There are nice, down to earth peeps in all of the crews then there are also not so nice, not so down to earth people. Keep away.

I think you have had enough training today, come back next week for Lesson 2.

Tminx signing out.

xx