Friday, November 24, 2006

Lagos 101- The Crew

Lagos is situated in Nigeria, Africa. Once I can upload a pic, I will.

The Lagos Crew

Lagos, the commercial hub of Nigeria is also the largest city….as in overpopulated with approximately 15 million people. Note that this number is those that were counted, some people actually believe those counting have more sinister uses for the information and so hide during the census exercise. Even better, Ifeanyi the driver said he didn’t want Lagos to benefit from him being counted; instead he would go and be counted in his town of Imo State, so that when Biafra succeeded he would be a registered member of the state. I haven’t seen the result of the last one done in March 2006. The one before that was in 1991.

As I was saying, Lagos is overpopulated with all sorts of people. I have divided them up into crews. Please note that this is just something a bored girl sat down to piece together in less than an hour and is a major generalization. If you are offended…Life is really not that serious.

The ‘I feel alright’ crew (IFA)

These are the crème de la crème. Celebrities in town seen in every publication and at every party and born with large white gold spoons in their mouths (not silver). Butter won’t melt in their mouth. Money is not an object, everything can be charged to the large family account. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but some have unbelievable attitudes. Requirements to belong to this crew include the right name, and or old money. You can catch a view of them by forcing your way into a party hosted by a well known name owner and BINGO! The only problem is that you may be ignored or asked to serve the celebrities so dress well and comport yourself with dignity. Be mysterious and they will be eating out of your hands. Oh another tip, achieve a bright skin tone by any means, it helps.

The ‘White collar’ crew (WC)

Those in this group have worked hard to earn their money. They don’t necessarily have a history of wealth in the family or a popular name. They have good jobs, rub shoulders with IFA’s at social events and can afford most things but may choose not to splurge since the money is actually hard earned. Some don’t know their level and spend their pay check each month with no savings all in the effort of trying to keep up with the IFA crew. These poor misdirected individuals actually feel part and parcel of the IFA’s. To move up to IFA, a WC can perhaps seal a marriage deal or be extremely successful so the family name becomes known.

There is a sub group here

The EXPAT crew (EX)

A bunch of Oyinbo gals and boys, men and women who come to Nigeria to work and are paid EXPAT salaries. They are usually without their families and can be found at clubs such as ‘WHY NOT’, ‘PATS BAR’ and sometimes ‘BACCHUS’ etc. They attract BCBG’s (see below).

The ‘Blue Collar Boys and Girls’ crew (BCBG)

Those in the BCBG crew have average jobs and earn an average or sometimes meager amount of money which they use to try and make ends meet. Some have been looking for jobs for as long as they can remember. They may have good degrees but no connections or opportunities and instead may resort to less than attractive jobs including surfing the net for ‘opportunities’. Some get lucky breaks and move up to the WC’s.

There are subgroups to this category

Area Boys (AB)

Areaaaa oh area oh. This group of people own Lagos state. You may need to pay a small token for parking on their road, taking a route they have blocked or if your car happens to breakdown in their jurisdiction. Danfo drivers will tell you stories of woe about how these boys tax them constanly and LASMA officials will tell you how their work is ditrupted daily. Telecom companies will tell you about all the people they need to settle before a mobile cell site can be built and police officers will tell you how many cases have been solve with their help, once palms have been greased of course.

Area Girls (AG)

Not in the same agbero sense that the area boys are taken. These girls know all the tricks of the trade. They are Lagos savvy and know all the men around. They have ‘sponsors’ all over the place. These dads send for the girls to meet them in any part of Nigeria when they need ‘servicing’. The attraction is the money that the dads spend on AG’s in appreciation for a job well done. They even get to go abroad to the envy of all around them. They are always blinging and this group also cuts across the IFA and WC crew, you most probably know one. Only a few days ago I got jist about some girls who don’t need a dime from anyone in this life but choose to sell their wares regardless. Of course it’s all very high class. Hey maybe its the thrill of rubbing a pot belly.

Poor

The final crew is the very poor. I can’t find anything light to say about this group. It’s unfortunate that many in Lagos live below poverty in Nigeria. Many beg, borrow or steal. And life for them is nothing that we can imagine. The divide between the IFA the very poor is verrrrrry wide.

The moral of the story? If you plan to move back to Nigeria, listen closely….YOU NEED A POSSE. It’s necessary for survival....like minded people you can have fun with or you will go crazy. Part of the posse should know their way around town because we don’t want the blind leading the blind now, do we? Mark my words….I tell you this, I tell you. There are nice, down to earth peeps in all of the crews then there are also not so nice, not so down to earth people. Keep away.

I think you have had enough training today, come back next week for Lesson 2.

Tminx signing out.

xx

41 comments:

Anonymous said...

so which crew are you in?

Dipo Tepede said...

Wow, you really tried o

I have to give it to you though not so exhaustive...

Job well done!

TaureanMinx said...

anonymous, just like you are, I'm anonymous. Place me wherever you like :)

Dipo, Hey lemme know what other groups there are and ill do my research

azuka said...

I loved the pot-belly part :D.

lurvchild said...

T minx u don begin dey horde gist shey??? lol. O ya come, whisper in nwatalurv's ear, who is this IFA struttin like an area girl?

Anonymous said...

Job well done.
Kudos for getting the crew right.

When is lesson 2

Anonymous said...

Very Well observed,

Can I have a subgroup in EX please? I am never to be seen in YNOT or BACCHUS (OK I went both places once, never again) but you may catch me in PAT'S BAR when Wales are playing Rugby. Pat's is THE place for Rugby.

I don't go there so much at night now that the AG's have taken over the joint, they are chasing me from everywhere I like. I have heard that Pat has recently been throwing out people who aren't there to buy drink ;-). Things are bound to get worse when NAPEX closes.

Anonymous said...

Lolll - nice one. Why are the IFA's called "I feel alright?"

Plus what category do you have for the ones who have now moved back and are trying to settle in?

TaureanMinx said...

@azuka, lol,its true oh
@lurvchild, you don't know these AGs oh lol
@temmy tayo, next friday!
@Aaron, I got one place right! lol, please educate me so I can update. What do you do EX's do to have fun
@nonimoss, it means I feel good...like no worries. The outtatowners would fit into one of these crews. Theres no seperate crew for them because there are still levels within this group.

Uzo said...

Oh very nice one...Loving this...

Dipo Tepede said...

Hey Taureanminx,

Like I said not so exhaustive depending on the strata used.

You did not stratify on religion nor did you stratify on tribe so I understand the complex nature of what you are trying to achieve.

So one more time, job well done!

BabaAlaye said...

Let me officially declare myself. *cough* I'm the Commander-in-Chief of the Area Boys.
We can spot the Authentic Kelloggs Kids, The Nasco Cornflake kids, and the Akamu kids. And they are all taxed accordingly.

I just finished a long post on how Akamu and Akara AA chics climb sorry claw their way up to WC Status. Also, Nasco girls forming like Kelloggs variety.(I'm on to to them trifling jokers)
Fantastic Post, this. Best i've read in a long while.

Anonymous said...

lol..that was entertaining...
lagos is a mad zone I tell u...
have a great weekend t-minx!

Anonymous said...

Hahahha! Thats so true though but very funny!
Thats a pretty good post. I dont even know what I crew I belong to, obviously not IFA, so which one are you T Minx?

LondonBuki said...

I will start my own crew... THE COOLEST HOTTEST MOST WANTED!!!!

Ok, I am officially razz.

Enjoy your weekend x

Anonymous said...

LMAOOOOOO, you almost killed me. See how I laugh wan die. That IFA crew stuff was funny as hell. "Achieve a bright skin tone by all means possible".LOL, LOL, LOL. I guess so, that's how when you reach upstairs for Bacchus na only half-caste and big boys dey dere.

The Voyeur said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
The Voyeur said...

@aaron rowe - if you ever decide to experiment wear a rubber because Nigeria has the 3rd highest HIV prevalence in the world. Too many people don't take disease seriously and noone is immune or invincible to HIV or Herpes or any other STD. Especially that IFA crew running around with the Area Girls.
You can't even protect yourself from Herpes with a condom. Skin-to-skin contact is all that's needed to contract the virus. I don't want to go into all the ugly details but a pregnant woman can pass herpes to her child during child-birth and that can lead to serious complications. Read it up!

Gbeborun of lagos said...

Nice one Tminx. been reading your blog for 3 months now. I like this new twist.

Yessssoo. When I came back to 9Ja, I had to really lay low and look out for my own.

Boso said...

Hwy T-Minx, great write up. I think you should be given a PhD in 'Lagos Studies'.

So which crew are you? come on !!

Segun said...

Hi Taureanminx,

I was doing a search online for a group called Styl-plus and I ran across your blog. Wow, you really seem to have a handle on the culture back home. My name is Segun and I am currently based in New Jersey. I read through the rest of your blog, especially the most recent one you have on "Lagos 101 - the crew"....that was very insightful and entertaining. (as a matter of fact, when I get the opportunity to preach at a Nigerian church, I think I am going to use some of your insight)…great stuff!!

Right now I am in my final year studying for my masters of divinity in seminary (gonna be a pastor) and i have been praying and trying to figure out if I cam supposed to come back home and do ministry or not.

Just so you know I am not making this all up, here is the website address of where I currently serve as a pastor (www.remixnj.com). I would really like to hear how people in Nigeria are responding to the gospel. Is it just something that people turn to when things are bad and desperate or is there is there a real desire there to know Jesus Christ more? I have been away from the country for almost ten years and feel very much out of the loop.

My desire is to someday come home and focus my pastoral work on in-depth bible teaching in the church setting. I have a real desire and passion to see young adults know and love Christ more. From what I remember, most of what they taught in church was about how much God wants to bless, bless, bless,…..that’s great, but I think there is a little more to the gospel, and I would like to bring that angle in.

I realize that because I have been away for so long, I might just be running my mouth, but I am grateful that I ran across your blog and would like to hear of what’s going on at home and some of the best way to come back into the country and do the work of God.

Thanks for your time,
Segun.

Segun said...

Hi Taureanminx, i just realized i didn't leave any contact information for myself. my email address is actually on the website i attached, i sort of didn't want to write it in my post becos i didn't want to impose anything on your blog...but if you choose to look into my question and reply, my address is on the website, either that or i will simply keep following the 411 on your blog.

thanks again
segun

Anonymous said...

naij...naij..naij......a beautiful place...

Anonymous said...

naij...naij..naij......a beautiful place...

the shock of going back is back enough without having to rough up a crew

Dimples said...

Nice one...this guide will definately help all ya'll peeps going to Las Gidi for Christmas.
Well done!!!

adaure said...

LOL-- I SWEAR I LOVE NIGERIA-- COLORFUL CHARACTERS MEYN.. NICE ONE T-MINX

bhookey84 said...

naija, u cant but love the place o

bhookey84 said...

nice write up tho, breakin dem into categories and all

Anonymous said...

I'm really sorry but I think your portrayal of crews is a bit broad. More importantly, I disagree that if you move home you NEED a crew. I speak from experience. No doubt you fall into one(it's not about choice) but if your crew defines who you are then you have major issues. I am NOT bragging and I'm not leaving my name so it doesn't come off like that but based on your explanation I would be an IFA but I still don't see how that makes me any better or worse? We're too class conscious in Lagos, it does get too much sometimes.

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

wow - intersting write up - thoroghly enjoyed your post.

TaureanMinx said...

@anonymous, it doesnt make you better or worse, I did this write up to poke fun at the lagos society and how Nigerians class themselves and tend to look down on others. I'm no research guru I can't get it all right. Everyone can braodly place themselves in a crew but it doesn't define you or anyone cos we are all individuals. Its all really in the spirit of FUN and LAUGHTER to make you chuckle a bit on a boring day and nothing more. Please no one take all this seriously

TaureanMinx said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
TaureanMinx said...

@anonymous, my bad...it should be that you need a Posse. Thanks

Onada said...

you are hilarious!!!! When i move back i will create a brand new crew......suggestions?

Calabar Gal said...

True Talk girl!! Its the "I feel Alright" Crew that fascinate me. They way they turn their noses up at others and wont bother speaking to you unless you are a from "well know name" or family too. Na wa for Naija!!

Mona said...

AH U REALLY GAVE IT TO US HERE oh, u went all out :o)...I WILL PRINT IT OUT AND READ IT COS ITS LONG BUT NICE ONE

3 gbosa...Gbosa!Gbosa!Gbosa said...

wow..long n interesting...n u really got it right...9ja is definently divided into classes...but as u said it doesnt neccessarily define who you are..you can be in the IFA and still have a good head on ur shoulder..you could be poor and strive to lift yourself up..we cannot deny that most 9ja pple relate with you based on your strata..what matters is you!

Anonymous need not take it personal

Pink Panther said...

lol... i love this post.. all these crews will surely keep me entertained when i move back.. nice one..

mola said...

Nice Insight on the categories of social value... The funny thing is, it's all Perception. Perception is Reality...

Anonymous said...

It could be deduced from your write-up that there is a lack of objectivity and that you have something against the "IFA" crew. Not every lightskin person is a snob, not everyone in Bacchus VIP is from money and will only interact with select people. If you are going to put information out there in the spirit of a joke or not, you are obligated to give the right info. Your write up is biased and lacks merit.
Maybe if you take the time to know the people you have written about then you may find that there is more depth to them than what you see one night a week.
Lagos is very "cliquish" and Nigerians in general have a tendency to look down on each other. Even people at shops size you up.
So please don't create a feeling of animosity towards people you haven't given a chance. It's irresponsible.

TaureanMinx said...

@anonymous, don't get your panties in a twist. Like I said not everyone will be happy with this write up, if you read the last bit of the write up..I said "There are nice, down to earth peeps in all of the crews then there are also not so nice, not so down to earth people". I don't have anything against anyone but in general, the higher up one is, the more likely that there are people who look down on others in that group. It is especially rampant in Nigeria and especially Lagos. Don't take it personal, im sure you are one of those who are the life of the crowd and mingles with everyone!

PS Not every lightskinned person is an IFA either. See the lighter side of things. WOOOOOSAAAAAAAA:)