Monday, April 16, 2007

Words from the mind and the heart

For a while, I made my decisions based on what others did and trust me it was never regarding things that improved my life in anyway. Like I never said to myself, I need to go to the library day and night like Tom, seeing as he gets top grades all the time nooooo, I would say, I better kiss someone soon so I’m not so boring when the girls are gisting. Obviously thinking like this makes one makes several mistakes. These experiences led me to make a decision a few years ago.

Saying you are celibate is like pouring ice cold water all over a guys head. It’s like saying you live in Surulere lol, yes for real though some people are that shallow. I used to be scared to say it, like it made me a wierdo. But its just a natural preference for me. Sometimes I wonder if being that close to another human being is as deep for me as it is for others. I’m not standing on a moral holy pedestal looking down on others, I’m not even looking at this from a religious point of view. I made this decision for me. This is what makes ME happy, and makes my life calm and peaceful.

Sex is great, It’s like the strawberry on the icing, the last malteasers, the last sip of an amaretto sour. Like Morris Chestnut and Micheal Scofield in Prison Break. It compliments a relationship, it doesn’t make it. Like fine wine, its gets better each time with your partner as you learn more and more about one another. It also makes things complex and some people are not worth getting your life complicated over. It creates a false sense of attraction. I just can’t feel strongly enough for someone within days or weeks of meeting them and I certainly can’t juggle guys. I can’t fall for guy after guy. My heart doesn’t have the strength. I don’t feel like there is a lot of satisfaction in having mindless meaningless sex. The thing is that although we women blame men for sleeping around and cheating and not being able to control themselves but I had to sit down and think…when it comes down to me, I have to stay true to myself….How can I expect to meet a guy who has self control if I myself don’t have any.

I know the qualities I’m looking for, I don’t want a knight in shining amour, I’m not looking for ‘the one’ who completes me, I am one complete person. I’m just looking for one who complements me, and who I’ll complement…with our flaws and all...I’m just looking to make the right choice when the time comes.

Maybe I’m too much of a romantic.

Image from here

43 comments:

LondonBuki said...

FIRST!!!!

Too Good!

LondonBuki said...

Hmmm... interesting...

This decision definitely has a lot to do with self control. You should be proud of yourself... it is not easy at all.

Anonymous said...

definately requires self control TX. i think its also easier to achieve that when one isnt in a rship, proves more diffcult when you are in one.ultimately, i feel its about a person's state of mind..

temmy tayo said...

If no one is proud of you. I am. It takes a lot to stand by one's decisions.

You are so right, I don't want a knight. Not that there are many around anyways.

I need a man who is going to treat me right.

As usual London Buki is first here. Cheat!

TaureanMinx said...

@LB, buttermint for you. I think most people are capable, its just what individual choice you make
@anonymous, it sure does and I agree its more difficult in a relationship but only a little bit. Are you aware of the amount of sexy young men around town?

TaureanMinx said...

@Temmy, we just have natural ESP why can't you accept it? and true talk, they are only in fairy tales where they belong.

UnNaked Soul said...

The most important thing in life is for you to be happy. I know one thing for sure, everytime I have sex, I always feel like something is missing. That's why I rather flirt with a girl than shag her...

Of course there times you challenge your decision/lifestyle. but it only takes you one step futher to away from what you really are...

Like one write said, I rephrase: Take a good look at the beautiful things around the market without spilling the oil on the spoon...

Whatever you do, no one will share with you the reward or punishment. always remember that... Always look out for your happiness in all you do *wink*

Anonymous said...

Good for you!!!. I trust you will get what you desire. I was celibate before I married too and so was my husband. It was a decision I made in my teens. Like you it just worked for me.

zaiprincesa said...

Tminx,
I totally relate...
People think ure crazy when u tell them ure celibate..(well, most guys call me a joker, straightup..lol)..and then they set out to try and prove u wrong..
Anywho, point is, such a decision keeps u grounded, especially for someone like me who is very emotional about certain things and cus i feeel when u share ur body with someone, ur sould gets tied to them somehow......

More power to you mami!

omo-obanta said...

Thank God, i was thinking I was the only one left that was celibate. it no easy o...but it works for me too

Anonymous said...

I think there's so much to be said for sex-free relationships. I think it has to be one of the most beautiful things ever...so much so I think I might get married but not 'indulge' **wink, wink** Of course, the 'Potential' says I'm the only one laughing at my joke. Lol!

Coral

Spicy said...

I applaud your conviction Taurean. It's always nice to know someone is with you for reasons other than sex. I am sending the new,improved choco-milo your way.

kofoworapepper said...

...posts like this make me gag- who gives a s**t if u r celibate really???
i'm 27,being in a relationship for 4.5 years,getting married this year- we never do the nookie-
its really not that big a deal.
if ur celibate, u already have the conviction,u really dont need any one to applaud you, if you are not, deal with ur issues if 'everytime you do it u feel empty'- life is more than having sex or not having sex, ur not a saint cos ur not having it and you're not the devil if you are either...
this post is so cliche...boring!

Vickii said...

Hey, it's great to have you back and I'm loving the new template!

There's absolutely nothing wrong with being a romantic and I think people that know what they want are much more likely to get it! I really admire your celibacy stance!

TaureanMinx said...

@unnaked, great comment. At the end of the day its you that counts
@anonyous, thanks its good to have some encouragement
@zai, same here.
@omo-obanta, Glad it does.
@anonymous, well I'm not sure I'll go that far lol!
@spicy, yummy, I can't wait
@kofoworapepper, I'm not looking for applaud. This is my blog and I can share what I wish to share. Who gives a shit that I voted? Who gives a shit about my life? I do, thats who. I don't know why its okay to share everything else and not this. Take a chill pill. If you find my blog boring though, you know where to go.

TaureanMinx said...

@Vickii, glad you like the template. :)

kofoworapepper said...

tminx,
mi o ba e ja o! maybe its just being defensive about having to defend the stance that makes it cliche for me... and then as u get older, you wonder if it was the right thing...initially,it was for the religious issue but it soon became about being an independent woman and not giving any MR.G, the satisfaction of saying, he hit it...plus it did help me and my boo develop a really deep relationship..even though he says the respect he has for me would not have changed if we had been getting our groove on(happily wedding is in june,so that takes care of that)
what i'm i saying,ma bi nu...it is your blog... and its not boring
pax?

im a babe said...

wats wrong with sayin u live in surulere???(lol)

Boso said...

Yeah, what's wrong with living in Surulere? I would have joined in complimenting you, but that Surulere comment dey pain me. (Surulere born and raised !!). lol

Anyway my sister, well done, a very good decision. Sex is a lot more serious that most people think. And like you said it doesn't make a relationship, it compliments it.

TaureanMinx said...

@kofoworapepper, I just wanted to share my point of view. No problem, have fun at the wedding *hugs*.
@im a babe, its the whole island mainland thing..a whole other blog lol
@Boso, same here, born and bred lol.

Anonymous said...

Omo tori e pe!!!

Sex-free relationship is the best because it allows the partners to grow intimately without jeopardizing their friendship.

omohemi Benson said...

Thank you for this post.
I understand totally,
Maybe you are a romantic so what?
You are just you taking it easy,making your own choices, to some you might be some dry chick but for the one who really loves you he will respect it. You will find your own Knight.

Simply Gorgeous said...

I don't think that you are a romantic. I think you are realistic. I have been down that road of looking for a knight in shining armour only to find out that I have found a frog. I have kissed too many frogs to find my prince.

I agree with you women have to show responsibility in order to find a responsible person.

Excellent post!!

Boso said...

T-Minx: OK, based on that, I'll let you off. ;)

Ms. May said...

This is so cool. I am discovering that there are a lot of folks who have chosen celibacy, each with their own reason, which is also cool. I love that you've talked about it so openly as well. Very inspiring. Keep doing you!

Anonymous said...

I love this post. Thanks for encouraging young girls like us- for someone as well-known as you are to proudly declare your viewpoint is such a good thing. May God bring the one He's specially selected for you your way.

Dimples said...

Totally loving this post...and i'm seconding you all the way...Staying celibate might be sometimes hasrd..but wow it really has to be done...religious reasons and others...nice one E!!!

And yeah i'm joining the Surulere band wagon...what's wrong with it???...I went to school there and my grandmother still lives there.

Soul said...

Tminx..
I knew you speak my language!..
Sex is Like Morris Chestnut and Micheal Scofield in Prison Break
EXACTLY. But erm will you be taking pictures of both of them 'doing it'. lol

On a serious tip. I always thought Sex was a physical expression of what you feel at any given point in time.
It can be a stress reliever
purge you when you are angry
it can show love
or care
affection
a need to be connected
or simply for pleasure.

There is no great sin in having sex just as there is no great sin in not having sex.
Intimacy goes a heck of a long way beyond it.
The most important thing here is you.
What you feel. How you feel.
What you want. How you want it.
What you need. How you need it.

You are doign what is right for you and lady even though you don't need or want or are even looking for applause.

For all those reasons I listed above, I'm applauding you APPLAUSE.

Keep doing you

Nyemoni said...

You're keeping it real I see and I admire you for it...

bimbylads said...

finally someone feels me.. fantastic post. I should share my experience on this issue one day. Believe it or not, i totally agree with u, and I am like u on this in many ways..

Uzo said...

I love this post...

Pink-satin said...

beautiful piece..i like dis write up

UnNaked Soul said...

Tuface track 10 from Grass 2 Grace album for you... oya go listen to am... *wink*

didi said...

i keep telling u that u inspire me.good post

Bella Naija said...

This post is really interesting.
First up, its so great that you chose to share this on your blog.
As one anonymous said, its really difficult especially if you are in a relationship but it totally can be done. I applaud anyone that can maintain the stance for whatever reason.

boorish male said...

I must say thatv I agree with you on this topic. As a man that has had his fair share of adventures, I have come to the realisation that sex with multiple partners is overrated and it cheapens the act. Why would I want to sleep with a woman that gives herself willingly to every man that comes her way? Why would any discerning woman sleep with me knowing fully well that i slip it to just any chick.

What about love? What about companionship? What about those moments of magic where you look at your partner and just feel? What has sex vgot to do with those special moments? Absolutely nothing. Credit to you Minx, stick to what you are most comfortable with and never run with the pack, if only more women thought the way you do.......

I blogged on something similar, on my very first post.

Cherchez la Femme: http://boorishmale.blogspot.com/2006/11/blogging-virgin-pops-his-cherry.html

7:46 PM

my thots said...

very cool message, there was a time in my life i considered going celibate but it didnt work for me, i guess i didnt have the conviction, in sharing this i'm sure you've inspired a lot of us.

Surviving with Truth said...

this is definitely one of my favourite posts on blogville. i should make a fav. posts list. i'd add this one. its got me thinking...
i was celibate for several years- it got easier as time went on,then i wanted "it". and got "it".
congratulations on staying true to yourself. Must feel really good. In there, lies true happiness.

A fellow blogger said...

kudos to you expressing this thought... you are definitely not alone in your celibacy quest and worries about the relevance and conviction of remaining celibate until marriage. My decision to remain so is due to my upbringing and now, religious conviction.

It feels good to know there are other people who struggle through abstinence in our very sex-filled world of today.

I know it is definitely easier when you are boyfriendless, but you want the companionship and emotional comfort too. What does one do?????

Mona said...

A lot of sense in what you've written, all based on the person and their principles. It's all a matter of principle. Nice write-up

beautyinbaltimore said...

Only have sex when and if you want to. A large part of my blog has been me trying to find myself out sexually, and I'm still lost.

Foluso said...

Very good post minxie with very good points. Self control comes from within. You are what you project to others.

NoLimit said...

albeit late...I'll still add my comment!!!
I totally agree on the celibacy stand...way to go gal...I know this like a year later...but it is still a very hot issue that generates a lot of mixed reaction.
I totally agree with you life is easier and less stressful without all the hassles!