Friday, February 24, 2006

COOL CANDID PHONE

I love the 96.9 Cool Fm Good Morning Nigeria Show. I deliberately stall going to work early so that I can listen to Dan Foster, Gbemi, Victoria, Freeze and the others fool around and generally have a laugh. The traffic report from a helicopter sounds suspect, I reckon they are playing helicopter sounds in the studio and calling up LASTMA officials for traffic news because they get from Surulere to Ikoyi in record time!!! What a chopper!

The highlight of the show, apart from when Dan Foster is killing us with his inappropriate language and behavior for a morning show that kids may be listening to, is the cool candid phone. Dan calls up unsuspecting individuals and winds them up. Well people have started to pick up on his voice because it’s unique and he has an American accent so he delegates the prank calls to others.

This morning while I was trying to snap bare asses taking a dump into the marina with my camera phone (will post some as soon as I get a good shot), Simi* called Cool Fm, "I need you to wind up my cousin. Tell her you need to organise girls for some ministers etc etc". So Gbemi calls Toks* up. I'll try and re-enact the convo, these are in my own words.

Gbemi: "Hi, I got your number from you friend Sade*"
Toks: "Oh ok, hiiiiiiiiii"
Gbemi: "What’s up girl! Okay the thing is a few ministers and important people are coming in from Abuja and we need girls"
Toks: "Cool, that’s okay"
Gbemi: "Really? We need you to help us round up a few girls to go out with them. I'll be there with my friends too"
Toks: “That’s fine, how many girls do you need?”
Gbemi: “About 4 girls”
Toks: “Including me right?”
Gbemi: “Yeah, but of course, you and four other girls so that would be five girls in total.”
Toks: “I understand, no problem.”
Gbemi: “Okaaaayyy, so these ministers, they might ask for more you know, like moree.”
Toks: “You mean like a twosome (she meant threesome), that will be no problem.”
Gbemi: “I hope you have fine friends oh. Describe yourself.”
Toks: “Where do you live, we can meet up.”
Gbemi: “No just describe yourself.”
Toks: “Of course, they are fine. I’m tall, with big breast's, not too big sha but full breasts and a big ass, but not too big either.”
Gbemi: “Okay, well speak to my boyfriend.”

At this point Dan comes on the air with his American accent and she goes wild with a funky accent I can't exactly tell you the origins of

Dan: “Whats uuuuuuuuup, hiiiiiii, my friends are coming over from the US, hope you will show them a good time?”
Toks: “Whatss urrrp!!! Of course we will show derm a greeeaat time.”
Dan: “Really what are you gonna do to them?”
Toks: “Have you heard that song...what u gon do with all that breast all the breast inside that cherssttt, Im gon make you work work make you work he he haa he haaa, that’s what I’m gooina do to them”.
Dan: “Yeaaaahhhh cool, I like that, your going to make them workk..........how old are you though? We have to make sure you are above a certain age”
Toks: " I'm twenrry two..........."

Not long after she is told she is being wound up on Cool FM and she screams so shrilly, including an expletive, that my ears hurt.

Is she really kidding me? She was ready to organise her girls for people she didn't even know.

The moral fabric of the Nigerian society has broken down.

10 comments:

LondonBuki said...

LOL!!!!!!!!! What are you women in Nigeria turning into???? Ok, I am only kidding oh, before ppl attack me! But that is freaking hilarious!!!! "Ministers"??? Of what, may I ask?

Kappa said...

R u for real? and did she really sing that black eyed peas song...see how some naija girls have no morals, all for money..

ToyinE said...

LOL! Nice one... I miss Lagos and thanks for tormenting me with the new true love o!! Please if u know how i can organise old ones - abeg let me know!!

sokari said...

I came up with this idea for international women's day on the 8th of March as part of the African Women Blogging roundup that Mshairi (http://www.mshairi.com/blog) and I do for the GV.

I thought it would be great if each woman writes a brief piece (about 5 lines if possible) about 1 or 2 women she would like to honour/celebrate post it on their blogs. It could be your mother, friend, artists, activist, leade, from your neighbourhood, community, country or continent wide - whoever as long as they are African. Once we have responses we will know exactly how many will post on the 8th of March then Mshairi and I will do a roundup on GV of all the posts by the African women bloggers.



If you are interested in participating please contact me at:

africa at globalvoicesonline dot org

many thanks

TaureanMinx said...

@ Londonbuki....u must be mad for saying you women in Nigeria lolll, its girls in general!Ministers..for sports, education etc etc

@kappa, yes she sang it clearly for everyone to hear lollll

@toyine, I thought Foo helped u out..I'll try my best, u need to let me know which months u have already

@sokari, thanks for the info! Will get back to you

Bent out of shape said...

LOL... !!! Isn't that freaking nuts? Sheesh, it's comforting to know that there're still some responsible Nigerian girls out there. Awesome. I'm glad I stumbled on to this blog. :-)

Oh, I can't front though... I miss Lagos.

so-obscure said...

Great post! But do you think those phone-in program by Dan Foster and co on 96.6fm are real...?
I doubt. It all look like a studio think or pre-arranged recording to me...

Onada said...

Hey! hope you dont mind - i put a link to your blog on mine! i totally love it :) more updates please.

Anthony Arojojoye said...

Hmmnn....Daaan Forrrrssteerr.
It's been a while I listened to Candid phone. Four years ago,I never missed Dan for anything. But work has taken many things from me now. Maybe I'll try sneak 2 listen to d prog henceforth.
Can you help me with their phone no? I got a few screwheads I need them to unwind for me.
@so-obscure : I confirm that they're 100% original.

Anonymous said...

i miss lagos.i used to go to work late cos of candid phone.i miss dan foster's yabs.he makes cool fm de best in nigeria.
girls r like that o esp.in naija.na money dem sabi.anything goes