COOL CANDID PHONE

I love the 96.9 Cool Fm Good Morning Nigeria Show. I deliberately stall going to work early so that I can listen to Dan Foster, Gbemi, Victoria, Freeze and the others fool around and generally have a laugh. The traffic report from a helicopter sounds suspect, I reckon they are playing helicopter sounds in the studio and calling up LASTMA officials for traffic news because they get from Surulere to Ikoyi in record time!!! What a chopper!

The highlight of the show, apart from when Dan Foster is killing us with his inappropriate language and behavior for a morning show that kids may be listening to, is the cool candid phone. Dan calls up unsuspecting individuals and winds them up. Well people have started to pick up on his voice because it’s unique and he has an American accent so he delegates the prank calls to others.

This morning while I was trying to snap bare asses taking a dump into the marina with my camera phone (will post some as soon as I get a good shot), Simi* called Cool Fm, "I need you to wind up my cousin. Tell her you need to organise girls for some ministers etc etc". So Gbemi calls Toks* up. I'll try and re-enact the convo, these are in my own words.

Gbemi: "Hi, I got your number from you friend Sade*"
Toks: "Oh ok, hiiiiiiiiii"
Gbemi: "What’s up girl! Okay the thing is a few ministers and important people are coming in from Abuja and we need girls"
Toks: "Cool, that’s okay"
Gbemi: "Really? We need you to help us round up a few girls to go out with them. I'll be there with my friends too"
Toks: “That’s fine, how many girls do you need?”
Gbemi: “About 4 girls”
Toks: “Including me right?”
Gbemi: “Yeah, but of course, you and four other girls so that would be five girls in total.”
Toks: “I understand, no problem.”
Gbemi: “Okaaaayyy, so these ministers, they might ask for more you know, like moree.”
Toks: “You mean like a twosome (she meant threesome), that will be no problem.”
Gbemi: “I hope you have fine friends oh. Describe yourself.”
Toks: “Where do you live, we can meet up.”
Gbemi: “No just describe yourself.”
Toks: “Of course, they are fine. I’m tall, with big breast's, not too big sha but full breasts and a big ass, but not too big either.”
Gbemi: “Okay, well speak to my boyfriend.”

At this point Dan comes on the air with his American accent and she goes wild with a funky accent I can't exactly tell you the origins of

Dan: “Whats uuuuuuuuup, hiiiiiii, my friends are coming over from the US, hope you will show them a good time?”
Toks: “Whatss urrrp!!! Of course we will show derm a greeeaat time.”
Dan: “Really what are you gonna do to them?”
Toks: “Have you heard that song...what u gon do with all that breast all the breast inside that cherssttt, Im gon make you work work make you work he he haa he haaa, that’s what I’m gooina do to them”.
Dan: “Yeaaaahhhh cool, I like that, your going to make them workk..........how old are you though? We have to make sure you are above a certain age”
Toks: " I'm twenrry two..........."

Not long after she is told she is being wound up on Cool FM and she screams so shrilly, including an expletive, that my ears hurt.

Is she really kidding me? She was ready to organise her girls for people she didn't even know.

The moral fabric of the Nigerian society has broken down.