Hey Ms fatty fatty

Disclaimer: This song is not being rude....Listen to the lyrics



I don't know why I like these songs when all women do is whine half naked in the videos. It’s really catchy though. My blog peeps how are you? I have not heard back from Pilgrimage but the plans are set. Pilgrimage if you read this, please email oh.

I saw Pirates of the Caribbean yesterday...what the....?

So I realised I'm lactose intolerant and I'm sad. I mean I love milk. Maybe this is punishment from the days my mum would send me to get peak milk for her tea. I would drink half of it quickly looking around like a small theif, then I would wipe my mouth and the can to get rid of any residue and take the can with confidence to her.

She would then ask, 'Tminx, did you drink from this milk?'
With complete innocence, I would say 'no mummy'.
Then she would land me with a sharp slap complaining about 'how children of nowadays are not even afraid to lie'. I would cry, but I had my fill of milk.

It graduated to Dano powdered milk. I would get home from school and mix dry milo or was it bournvita and milk, then proceed to eat it while watching Bop TV or MTV Asia (who remembers having MTV Asia as part of the cable package?) Well I do! And my siblings can attest to it because people are making me feel mad for saying MTV Asia existed in Nigeria.

Anyway my mum couldn't understand how a whole can of powdered Dano milk finished in less than a week so she found a solution. All the milk went to her room. So in the morning we would take our cups with milo and sugar in it, go to her room, greet her GOODMORNING MUMMY (or get your first slap of the day or maybe no milk) then she would proceed to measure out one or two TEAspoons of Dano powdered milk into our cups. She was on a one woman quest to save her greedy children. She actually tried to ration the tissue paper as well but I think she got tired or maybe she felt she had taught us that lesson well...Count four perforations and that’s enough for one toilet visit. Maybe that’s why I over compensate with hotel toilet paper. Also woes betide you if you go out and eat excessively and accept everything offered to you. She would give you the eye which meant ‘You just wait till we get home!!!!’

Well it worked, all of us have good eating habits, like not eating really late frequently. We used to have dinner at 6. The only person who doesn't follow this pattern is the baby of the house as my mum had stopped serious child rearing by then. She has all the milk and all the food she wants at any time lol.

So anyway, Soya milk is a close substitute, only one thing. IT’S NASTY. I plan to find some drugs or natural herbs I can take with milk so it digests properly and doesn't make me all bloated.

Enjoy the reat of your work week :)

HAPPY BABY GIRL!!!!!!!

Hey Everyone Pilgrimage to Self's baby has finally arrived AND its a gorgeous girl. Lets celebrate!!!!!!!! Tis unfortunate we did not throw a blogger baby shower for her but we can always have a post baby shower! I'll let you know the details. This should be fun! Congrats girl.

PS: Please email ideas for the POST baby shower.



Picture from: FamilyShoppingBag

60 Questions

1.What time did you get up this morning? 7.00 am


2. Diamonds or pearls? Indifferent, except I get an engagement ring..which can't be pearl. Why does one need an engagement ring? I don't know but some days I feel I would like one and some days I feel a wedding band is enough proof of marriage. Who started this engagement ring hoo-hah?


3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? The Fracture


4. What is your favorite TV show? It changes with the seasons but right now its Heroes and I miss it much. This place has the oldest seasons of TV shows, I have ever seen. Nigeria was on point!


5. What did you have for breakfast? Will have a banana in a minute


6. What is your middle name? There’s the English which I dislike and refuse to disclose .The native middle name is Ehi (Ehimwenma in full) . Try and pronounce that.


7. What is your favorite cuisine/meal? If there is beef, I’m good but if I have to pick...Pounded Yam and Egusi soup....Chinese comes very closely behind.


8. What foods do you dislike? Indian, please don't get upset Indian peeps, you probabaly don't like my food either. Marmite, Sushi.

9. Your favorite Potato chip? Ready Salted..Walkers or Pringles ...What the hell is marmite or cheese and onion or Lamb and mint or curry??????????? But why?


10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? People still have Cd's? It would be Robin Thicke if I could find it anywhere....


11. What kind of car do you drive? Right now? A s-u-b-w-a-y. Very Cheap, convenient and reliable.


12. Favorite sandwich? One with Egg, Bacon and Mayonnaise.


13. What characteristics do you despise? People who are Loud, Opinionated, Selfish, Insensitive and Proud.

14. Favorite item of clothing? My bubu


15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Some touristy Island. Maybe Seychelles, Bermuda, Bahamas...u catch my drift?


16. What color is your bathroom? White and Cream


17. Favorite brand of clothing? I'm not picky like that. Any nicely cut, nicely fitting, nicely coloured clothing is good enough.


18. Where would you want to retire? Nigeria, don't know which city. Maybe my village!


19. Favorite time of day? Morning


20. Where were you born? Benin City


21. Favorite sport(s) to watch? Athletics, Dancing....it is a sport you know. I'm indifferent to all others, except when Nigeria is playing football.


22. Who do you least expect to respond to this? If I were a soothsayer......


23. Person you expect to respond first? If I were a soothsayer......


24. What laundry scent do you use? Everything around me smells like flowers


25. Coke or Pepsi? Whatever you are serving


26. Are you a morning person or night owl? Morning person


27. What size shoe do you wear? 9 (American); 40(British). Does anyone want to buy me a pair?


28. Do you have pets? A dog called Sheeba, same name as the dog that died before him....or is it a she?..hmmm


29. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with everyone? I see dead people.


30. What did you want to be when you were little? I had no aspirations, I just took each day as it came, I mean there were bigger things to worry about..like if my mum would take us shopping at UTC.

31. Favorite Candy Bar? Not candy but Malteasers


32. What is your best childhood memory? I have a post about it somewhere.


33. What are the different jobs you have had in your life? On the Till at McDonalds, Helpdesk Support, Website Developer, Consultant, Cybercafé Manager (Basically browsing the net all day), Procurement Specialist, Sales asst Manager.


34. What color/type underwear are you? Pink Cotton Boyshorts


35.Nicknames: Eminem, Slim Shady (so wrong)


36. Piercings ? One in each ear, belly button.


37. Eye color? Brown


38. Ever been to Africa? I'm African, born and bred. Maybe we should change this question for Africans....38b) Ever been to South Australia? No


39. Ever been toilet papering or rolling? I honestly have no idea what this question means. Can someone please expand?


40. Love someone so much it made you cry? Yes


41. Been in a car accident? A few minor ones, none major


42. Croutons or bacon bits? Both please, with chicken and salad?


43.Favorite day of the week? Friday (Today YAY...looking forward to the weekend.)


44. Favorite restaurant? Mama Cass (I have kiss ass so I can get free food)


45. Favorite flower? Haven't really explored the flower scene. Roses or Tulips I guess


46. Favorite ice cream? Realised no too long ago that I am sort of not able to digest milk....but St Elmos have lovely creamy ice-cream. Again not a fan of all those funky flavoured Haagen Daz/Ben and Jerry concoctions. Plain Vanilla is just fine.


47. How many times did you fail your driver's test? They have drivers’ tests in Nigeria? Where?


48. What color is your bedroom carpet? It wood, no carpet


49. How many times did you fail your driver's test? Seriously drivers test? (on a serious note, we really need this in Nigeria)


50. Before this one, from whom did you get your last email? Stolen off Catwalqs blog. But my last email was a comment from dolly


51. Which stores would you choose to max out your credit card? No credit card here. But I do love H&M and Zara


52. What do you do most often when you are bored? Read


53. Bedtime? 11pm these days, when the sun finally sets.


54. Who are you most curious about their responses to this questionnaire? Everyone


55. Last person you went to dinner with? A colleague.


56. What are you listening to right now? Someone typing incessantly


57. What is your favorite color? Still Green


58. Lake, Ocean or river? Lake...very calm


59. How many tattoos do you have? None. Don't have the liver.


60. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Do you really care?

Devils Playground

There are too many idle minds roaming in blogsville. This is the equivalent of area boys roaming the streets of Lagos. Jobless vindictive anonymous and anonymousees, sorry you have to go and find someone elses blog to play on okay. Now scoot. Take Care.

Picture from Delarge

Oh and a song for you guys

The secret

So my friends and I were discussing the very important topic...'Why black guys choose white girls'...we deliberated through the whole thing in the middle of a restaurant filled with white people.

Some guys would pick white girls every time over a black girl for no apparent reason. I mean I'm all for interracial relationships and all seeing as I may be having a blue eyed blonde curly haired baby but some black guys seem to avoid black girls just on principle. These were the kinds we were trying to dissect. I mean, the fact that we may choose not to date outside our race (or even our tribe in Nigeria) could be seen as harsh and closed minded or even racist but choosing only to date outside your race seems a bit worse. Like...what did they ever do to you to make you that mad?

Anyway, one of the girls told us she had asked her guy friend who had given her the answer. The answer that he thinks makes perfect sense. I mean why didn't we see it before? It’s so obvious...please right click and scroll over the next line to see what it is my black sisters...

Y'ALL KEEP YOUR HAIR IN TOO LONG!

What can I say to that? Nothing!

Picture from mrigmaiden.blogspot.com

MAD

I haven't blogged in a while because I spent the last week on a course at IMD in Lausanne, Switzerland. Sweden is up there somewhere next to Finland and Norway and Switzerland is that green spot in the middle of the yellow at the bottom, next to France. The week was tedious, talking about telecoms 24/7. I know I’m in this industry but could I at least have a break? I learnt a lot though, got a great overview and did several use cases so it was good in that way. The weekend was even more interesting. First of all, Friday night, I went to club called MAD. And that’s exactly what it was…MAD. Three floors of MADNESS and MAD techno music, some of which I liked. The IMD course was designed for the program I am on and so all my 21 colleagues were there. All are from various parts of the world. It was a fun night. I had several out of body experiences, looking at the scene and saying this would never go down in Bacchus...WHAT! I would be jamming to 'this is why I’m hot, this is why I’m hot' or 'Yeparipa SAMBORIBOBO' not 'boom boom boom boom boom boom with no particular lyrics. Lord the things I have to do as a global worker.

The next day I did some touristy things. I went to see a castle in Montreux.....Chateau de Chillion, an hour away from Lausanne. It has quite an interesting history.

Then I went to Geneva, also an hour away from Lausanne and actually where the airport is, so it was convenient to catch my flight the next night. I spent the rest of the weekend there with an awesome Senegalese lass, K, who I met through my friends back home in Nigeria (I miss you guys :)). We decided to watch a movie then go for drinks that evening. We ended up walking around the whole of Geneva ( I have never walked as much as I did that entire week) looking for a cinema showing an interesting movie in English, everything was in French even the English movies and series on TV had voice overs. You should have heard the voices for Rachael and Ross in Friends. We finally found one showing La Faille...Fracture I think its called in English. Anthony Hopkins was really cute in the movie oh lollll! We moved on to a bar called Duplex and yes the music was fantastic. I also met K's friends and these girls are really different from Nigerian girls. There was no form of posing oh, see us getting down like there was no tomorrow. Loved it! Its all love my naija gals.

You guys, there is a sexy Swedish guy in my group oh. God forbid if any one of my colleagues reads this. I deny it in advance people. The boy is hot…WHAT! But see we from other countries moved to Sweden while the Swedish peeps have gone on to their countries for the 6 months. I will only get to see him whenever we get together like this for courses during the year. The professor told us that a study was done and the results indicated that students paid attention during he first day of class and then got more distracted as the days went by. He said by the fourth day, students paid attention for only about 10 mins before they started taking flights of fancy and daydreaming about their wildest fantasies. See me saving this boys life and him being eternally grateful to me looking at me with his adoring blue eyes. The professor was so right! And he actually mentioned that after I had had a series of daydreams. I was like, so I’m normal…its been researched.

Anyhoo, I am back in good old Sweden…Got back at 1am last night due to delayed flights from Geneva and the connecting flight… and I must say, I missed my quiet studio. I'm leaving work early today because I am one person and I am tired.

Now that the humans have okayed my blog.... I can tell you about my week!

Picture at the top from here

Well I survived a week here! Lets Celebrate…pop the champagne! It’s been quite interesting. I started work on Monday; I'll be in the marketing department which is a change from what I was doing previously in Nigeria. All my colleagues are nice and warm so I felt welcome. I came during a good week because on Thursday we did a mini team-building exercise so I got to know them all because for the life of me I cannot remember all their names. I've been introduced to so many people, it’s crazy. After the team building, we went to an Italian restaurant for dinner and I felt like part of the group.

This brings me to food. Everyone here is skinny and I don't know how they do it. I also don't know how long I will maintain my current weight because the lunch is huge and then most of the week, I was invited for dinner or a drink. It needs to stop but I need to make friends first and I can't do that if I say no to every request but its really starting to tell on me. I feel extra full all the time. I'm not used to eating dinner after a heavy lunch. On Fridays at 10am, the employees have this gathering in the 'common room' with a couple of cakes and coffee and tea. I mean, I'm worried lol. It’s not so easy to regulate your weight as you grow older which I am.

I've decided to start doing exercise. Not like I have much to do with my evenings now (except eating of course). The area I live in is lovely. There is a lovely view from my window and I have mapped out a perfect jogging path around the river. I can go all the way round the river with the great scenery and apparently its a 10k so I have to build my stamina. I think I'll feel better if I burn the calories. Its weird here, it gets dark at about 10.30 pm and bright really early in the morning. The light wakes me up at about 4am! By then its like 7 am in Nigeria. MAD! I haven't been sleeping for very long.

Remember the Nigerian guy I told you about? He and his wife have invited me for lunch today at 2. So today is set for me! I can also ask his wife where I can buy Nigerian 'food stuff' and how I can get my hair done. Thank Goodness. I thought I would have to keep putting in a bun for 2 months. Not cute... Oh I'm allowed home every two months.

As for how I feel...it’s a mixture of moods each day. I like the peace and quiet but I expected to hear more from certain friends…I guess people have their lives to live. I realized I was being a bit self-centered expecting them to call all the time but I'll definitely keep it in mind when it comes to others who may be on such trips in the future. *Note to self *- You need a man lol. It dawned on me that very soon most friends would be hooked up and preoccupied with other things...I can’t expect them to have the same kind of time anymore. Seriously sucks. Anyway…It’s nice to be swamped with calls the first week. At this point I really love hearing my phone ring because it reminds me that I’m not that alone, although I am not...if you know what I mean. Everything here is so different and new but I know it will definitely different in a few weeks. So that’s what I'm looking forward to.


Dear Lord, please keep Madeleine safe and may she be found alive. Happy birthday little one. God be with you. x

Bleeding Blogger!

I got this message this morning while trying to post

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If we don't hear from you, though, we will remove your blog from Blog*Spot within a few weeks.

Quarter of a Century Years Old

Gosh, a quarter of a century!!!! Of a whole century!!! Seriously that sucks lol. I've been MIA because I was moving and we all know that moving is a chore. I spent the weekend catching up with friends in London. May God punish bless whoever said it was warm in London! Nonsense. It was a good weekend, but there was a guy next to me on the plane who gave me his cold so I was kind of grumpy especially on Friday night at the Mama Cass opening. I have to go and eat there the next time I go to London, the food is banging.

I'm currently in my home for the next six months, Sweden. The weather here is definitely nicer than what it was in London which is quite strange. I started work here yesterday and its been okay so far. My appartment is a small studio but perfect for me. The elevator in apartment looks like the one from Basic Instincts if I remember correctly or maybe I made that up. I brought my DVD player and some Nigerian Dvd's along with me. I plan to watch Beyonce (Part 1) today. Luckily I have cable or what they call cable sha cos there are only like 15 channels and 5 are in english. I guess I can't complain. Most people speak English here so thats good for me too.

You know its a good thing I have my blog husband and blog friends! I miss all my friends and family! Can't wait till the next time I see them again but for now I'm enjoying being all alone and sorting out my thoughts with no external disturbances. The novelty is going to wear off soon though. I mean, how long can I talk to myself? Long enough to make friends I guess. Good thing that there are others on the same program even though I am the only Nigerian. Why didn't they pick two!

I met my first African today and he is Nigerian although he has lived here a long time. He works in my Unit and has promised to get his wife to show me where to buy Nigerian food. Wonderful! Things are way too expensive here. I'm trying to save my allowance not squander it!

Well heres to me and turning a quarter of a century old on my own! Thank God I have memories from my party. Thanks to all the bloggers who showed up, my fav guest was nyemonis daugher who didn't want to leave. Send my love to my gorgeous baby 'moni. I have been begging my friends to post the pictures with no luck. Its my fault for not haing a camera. Maybe one day they will put it up, who knows. I mean can that at least be my birthday present?