Memories

I remember moving to the great Lagos at the age of 5 and meeting my more enlightened cousins. Of course if you don't live in Lagos then you are of course uncouth and need to become cool. I learned a lot in those first few months, generally how cruel kids could be if you were perceived as different. Anyway in Primary one, I remember going to back to class one blessed day and having it up to HERE will all those damned kids. My seat mate would sit then get up, run to one of his friends, whisper in his ear. They would then laugh in my general direction and then he'd run back to his seat and giggle next to me. Looking back, he must have fancied me because I'm cute ( I cannot lie :)), meaning I was adorable as a child. Anyways he did this four times until I got mad. What did I do? I subtly pulled his chair backwards out of his way the next time he got up. What a rude shock he got on his return from gossiping like a girl, when he fell, plop, his bum hitting the hard ground. The shock was enough to make him cry and to satisfy me. I of course pretended to have no idea what had just transpired.

A few years ago on a family trip, I remember my aunt slapping her daughter every time she began to sing the song

"Oh mummy, mummy, mummy,
There's something in my nappy,
It's big and brown,
I can't sit down

If I sit down I will squash it,
And you will have to wash it,
Oh mummy come quick,
I can't sit down

If I"......u get the drift, it just gets nastier.

It got me thinking of a song my enlightened cousins (I love them by the way! Love you boo's) taught us back then, mind you we were in the age range of 5-10

(To the tune of beat it by Micheal Jackson)

"That Micheal Jackson is a very bad man
He tried to f**k a woman
But he f**ked a man
He tried to f**K a bitch
But she threw him in a ditch
So beat it
Just beat

You better run, you better do what you can
Your mother's in the closet f**cking Matcho man".....this also gets nastier


I MEANNNNNNN, how would I feel in the future if my five year old daughter knew songs like that!

Another issue is the housegirl/boy/driver/extended family issue. I remember a driver casually stroking my legs at 13 and me giving him a sound warning, and this was not the first time, or the first guy/girl to try it. Most people have a story of this sort and some even worse.

Its only going to get worse, how do we protect kids in the future?

Twice As Nice

I've missed blogging so much that I'm going to blog twice today! Woo hooo.

So I was gone to sunny, warm, extremely exciting (now use what you learned in primary 1, words and opposite, thin..fat....big..small..etc and apply that to the past words) London. I was happy to see all my friends but boy did I long to return to Nigeria! Who would have thought that I would miss this hot, frustrating and totally unsafe country?

I had a few surprises on my return.

On the way back home on Eko bridge, I noticed the top eight floors of the Nigerian Industrial Development Bank building in the Marina had collapsed! I was too shocked. Apparently the floors had been burnt down before and the place was just a disaster waiting to happen but people still went to work there...There was a stay home order during the Census period, but a few people still went to work and apparently 24 of the 25 trapped were rescued. I don't know how people can be made to take such risks. The day before yesterday there was a burst fuel pipeline and you should have seen the masses of people running with their kegs to get some. The Po Po were there with their guns but really u don't want to spark the place up. They probably told someone to get some for them. Is it that bad??

YES I WASN'T COUNTED...moving on

Big brother is HEATING up!! People are coupling and kissing everywhere, Chinedu and Joan (Chinedu was evicted last week), Maureen and Gideon, Ebuka and Fransica, Frank seems to be 'toasting' Helen even though he proposed to his girlfriend on air. Its mad.

Gideon feels like a casanova....Yesterday he told Maureen after starring into her eyes for about 5 mins (she was lying on the sofa and he sat looking down at her), stop breathing fast and kiss me. Just like those romance novels i used to read, sigh. Then they started a snogging fest. My mum said 'Ibiekana sakan gbe' translated as kids of nowadays are spoilt. Hmmmmmm, I wonder where I came from...

Checkout Big Brother Nigeria


What else happened while I was away......oh, I missed the total eclipse of the sun darnitttt but I got to see the video footage.

The office thought I had gone MIA because I had not notified them although the necessary people (i.e my boss) were told and could have informed them, but why not just make life difficult for little old me. I had to come and answer to distress emails needing my attention. How can I be the only one in my department!!!!!! I have asked for assistance to no avail. Maybe this will teach them.

Okay thats it....I'll be back.

Miss Me?

I haven't blogged in so long cos I was away. Did you notice? Did ya, did ya???? Lol. Well I'm back and trying to catch up with all my fellow bloggers and saw I was tagged by Nneka. So in fulfilling my Blogging duties. Here it goes

Rules of the Game:
1. The tagged victim must come up with 10 different points of their perfect man.
2. Need to mention gender of target.
3. Tag 8 victims to join this game and leave a comment saying they've been tagged.
4. If tagged again, there's no need to post a 2nd time.

Okaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy here we go, here we go again, now ur telling me, that she....er I digress

My perfect man.......

1) I'm into men, just to clarify for those who were not so sure in my university days when I would rather snuggle up with a good book and was deathly afraid of guys.....Now that that's off my chest....Yeah so no 1 is that he has to be someone I connect with. The second I enter a room, I know he is there...

2) Goodlooking, not necessarily Brad, Tyrese, Morris, drooolllll.....but pleasant to the eye. Sharply dressed and well groomed. I can't stand the rough hair, dada, overgrown beard, baggy clothes; on the other hand clothes that are too tight are just as bad. And cologne or perfume (not overpowering cos that just spells P L A Y E R) is required.

3) Confident, knows what he wants and goes for it. Big turn on. I'm indecisive enough for the both of us.

4) We have to be no less than 85% compatible (mentally, sexually, emotionally, socially, spiritually). I can deal with the other 15% as he will have to deal with my imperfections as well.

5) He has to be a GRADUATE. I’m sorry but no amount of money can attract me to an illiterate whatever the level of illiteracy. It just can't happen.

6) Christian, it would be hard for me to date a Moslem cos of the incompatibility issue. I’m not ruling it out, cos no one knows Gods plan, but highly unlikely.

7) Potentially rich, and when I say rich, I mean able to have all the basic comforts and a little more. I don't have to be swimming in jewels or have a house in every country. So basically he should have a success plan for this life.

8) Supportive and dependable.

9) Taller than me by more than a head and should have some flesh on him so he can lift me...father Lord cast those thoughts away.....

10) Can speak fluent English, or at least be fluent in his mother tongue (for the sexy foreigners) and for most Nigerian guys, this is ENGLISH. All that 'English is not my first language' is bull crap. I can't take the shelling and blatant 'factors'.

I think everyone has been tagged but Kappa, Boyede, Nyjaguy , Cat....

PET PEEVES IN THE OFFICE

At work....

Don't take your phone calls in my cubicle, you have yours

Don't pick up things from my desk feigning interest and asking questions especially as you see I am busy

Don't tap on the glass to get my attention to say hi each time you pass by....Yes I was ignoring you

Don't ask for my stapler each time you print, go to your desk and use yours

Don’t bring something to scan with the excuse that I’m already scanning, when I graduate to being secretary you will be the first to know!

Don’t come round and look at my screen to see what I’m concentrating so hard on, for Pete’s sake, I may be blogging about you!

Don't ask a question to which you already have an answer and refuse any contradiction

Don't send stupid forwards

Don't freeze us to death

Don't expect me to stay while you all go on leave

Don’t ask me where I’ve been if you are not paying my salary

Don't audit me, I dislike auditors! Such a pain!

Basically, LEAVE ME ALONE

WTF FRIDAY

Lo and be-hold a colleague sent this email out to all the ladies in the company a few days ago. Please read and enjoy. Considering that this lady hardly converses or emails us, many drew quick angry conclusions. Feel free to make a comment of your own.


Ok...so I walk in and you see me. You see that my hair is done, my outfit is fierce and I carry myself like a lady. I smile at you but you roll your eyes at me, then, turn your head and whisper something to your girl.Why you hatin'?

Ok... so maybe I'm a new employee and this is my first day at work. I almost thought I would be the only sistah in the joint until someone introduced us to each other. I smile and extend my hand, happy to know I won't be here alone.
You smile and shake my hand but there's insincerity in your eyes and your hand is limp. You seem guarded. What's wrong Ma'?

Ok ...so maybe my man and I have been having problems.
And since you've been my best friend for years I confide
in you that I think he'scheating on me. You offer your support.
Until I find out that he's been cheating on me....with you! Why would you hurt me like that?

I found your knife girl.....it's in my back.

As women we battle daily. We battle keeping our families together, keeping our men happy and maintaining our presence in the workforce. With all that battling going on why in the world should we have to battle each other?

Now I'm not saying every sistah has a knife...but some of you do(not I)....and you know who you are. Why is it that a woman can't get her glamour on without you having a problem?
Why can't I get a blonde weave without you having something to say?
If I'm working myself to death in the office trying to climb the corporate ladder...
why am I suddenly a sellout?
If I leave the room for a minute why can't I trust you around my man? Smiling in my face, but gossiping all my personal business behind my back? You now have permission to consider yourself triflin'!

Inferiority Complex.
It makes us feel that in order to be someone special we have to put everyone else beneath us. Are we so insecure inourselves that we can't feel good until we pull someone else down?
There's something wrong here.
We've come to envy those who've accomplished in their lives what we've only dreamed of having for ourselves. And when we fear we will never be able to get wha! t we want - we steal it.

There is a serious self-worth issue going on here. We're in a day and age where we should be encouraging each other and holding each other up.

Sisterhood should not end when Oprah goes off. Truth be told, there will always be someone prettier, sexier, stronger, and smarter. I'm sorry Boo - that's just the way it is. But that's ok.....just do you!

I don't care how good Beyonce' looks - if she walks into the same roomI'm in, it doesn't make me any less of the diva I already am! I love admiring hairstyles...but there's no need to be jealous. Honey, nowadays there's enough hair for err-body. I have goals in life. There are things I strive to attain. Yet I seek out successful sisters because they keep me motivated.

Life is so much more than who looks the best, who dresses the best and who makes more money. So when you see your sister going for hers let it inspire you .... To do you


The e-mail makes sense and is totaly true about women in general (not me, butter wouldn't melt in my honeyed mouth) but my its a bit confrontional coming from someone I hardly know.

Big-Ups To Biggie

Last Sunday, Big Brother was launched in Nigeria at 7:00pm on DStv Channel 37. The house looks like the typical BB house and has 'africanised' decor in earth tones and greens which is not bad. Their towels are green too, the walls are green, the dairy room is green! They have a plunge pool (I hate the look of it), the beds are tiny and the kitchen has a smoke detector but no windows. It's on 20 hrs a day and I'm yet to see the highlights show on M-net which is on 3 days a week but I'm bored of the 20hr viewing, u miss all the good bits while at work or asleep! Get your act together BB Nig. To my knowledge, there have been no tasks or much contact from the BB Voice so all they do is EAT and booze, I mean, they really need to ration that stuff.

OKAY PPL .....PROFILES

Chinedu 23 describes himself as ‘confident, kind, thoughtful, friendly and cool.” He says that his best quality is his leadership abilities though he admits that he “over-reacts sometimes.”

He has taken an abstinence vow and cleaned up the kitchen on the first night.




"Twenty- two year old Gideon enjoys the soulful sounds of musicians India Arie and John Legend. He says that his favourite place in Nigeria is the Obudu ranch and resorts where the scenery is “totally breathtaking.”

The text messages that flash across the screen indicate that most of Africa thinks he looks like Usher and is a hunk. He has a well built body and his claim to fame is that he is from Ajegunle.



Ebuka , 22, is also very proud of his father who he says “served Nigeria for 35 years without a single blemish.” In addition, Ebuka says that there’s no one he really wants to be like but “people like Dr. Eyimofe Atake San and Jeff Bezos (Amazon.com) inspire me”.

The whole of Africa is in love with this handsome morrasuckker. Girls from Zambia, SA, Accra etc are professing their undying love.



Fransisca, 21, despises ‘back-stabbers, cheaters(??), stubborn people and liars.” If she was to win BBN, she would “begin a pet project which everyone will benefit from”.

She is the official cook for the house. Always singing but her voice isn't bad so its ok. One sms said it seemed like she has more than the normal 32 set of teeth.



A professional dancer, Frank,29, says emphatically, “I am a loud person!” The 29-year-old is an entertainment lover who says that his best quality is that he can dance and his worst quality is that he is untidy.

Thinks BB Nig is where he is going to get his big break from because he is ever performing for the cameras. Exercises in the morning, doing yoga, dance moves etc.



Helen is interesting. The 25-year-old Aquarian from Lagos likes thriller novels, enjoys wearing singlets and short skirts and chills out to the old-school sounds of Paul Simon and Don Williams.

Reserved. Wore a stunning white outfit for the launch.




“I talk too much!” So says 21-year-old undergraduate student Ichemeta who describes herself as “a simple and small town girl who believes: no guts - no glory.”

Thank God she knows!!! She is SIMPLE and she is LOUD. Our official blonde in the house.




Ify says that her favourite book is the Bible. The 29-year-old Ify hails from Jos Plateau State. Her own personal motto is “Always look your best, no matter what time.” Ify’s favourite place in Nigeria is Jos which reminds her of her childhood

I would have thought she flew in straight from 'abroad' with her accent. I gave it a few days but its already wearing off. The public seems to have her in their bad books just for that. Let her be oh!



A single mother of one, Joan says that the daughter is the one thing in the world guaranteed to make her smile. Simple and straight-forward, Joan believes in the motto “live and let live.”

Joan has a face that makes her look like she's about to burst into tears. She's laid back and doesn't really seem like a winner to me.




Thirty-two year old Joseph is the oldest housemate in the Big Brother Nigeria house.Joseph goes on to state that he thinks his BBN experience will be “interesting, fun and full of challenges.”

Personally this is the cutest guy there (What do you guys think?, but Africa is blinded by Ebuka's cheeky face and Gideons muscles. Haven't heard much from him though. I think he's the only playing the game with a plan.



Maureen, 23, entered BBN “to meet people, and for a one in twelve chance of winning USD 100 000.” She relaxes by reading novels, watching movies, hanging out and cooking and she’s thrilled to know that audiences will be watching her from around the continent.

She's the cooks helper. I would not have believed she was 23! She is on the thick side and was prancing around in short shorts yesterday....



Standing at 6ft 8in, Yinka, 26, is one of the tallest Big Brother Nigeria housemates. He is proud of Lagos because he says that “it is a melting pot of different cultures”. Irritated by “fake, dishonest procrastinators”...

This guy is HUGE...and so are his lips. He's always doing these comedy sketches and rapping. Like Yinka, he is using BB as a stepping stone....actually, aren't they all??

PICTURES AND COMMENTS IN RED FROM TASHITAGG.COM

WEIRD CONVO

TMinx: Hey Liz, Ur hair looks great! Where did you get it done (1)?
Liz: You haven't seen me all this week, I have had it for a while now, are you just noticing?
TMinx: I guess I haven't really seen you this week. Its nice though, where did you get it done (2)?
Liz: I didn't do it today, I got it done over the weekend.
TMinx to TMinx: Okaaaaayyyyyyyyy. Is this withholding information or WHAT!! Do you know where this convo is going?
TMinx to TMinx: No I really don't.
TMinx: Where did you get it done (3).
Liz: In VI, (she points vaugely to the south)
TMinx to TMinx: Where are we again?
TMinx to TMinx: We are in VI. Okay you need to stop.
TMinx: Okay, its nice.
Liz: Thanks. (Shakes her head and waltzes off)

GO FIGURE!